budak perasan

And now it disappears

2008-08-18T15:53:00.001+08:00

To all, I've moved to a new blog. Take care :)

http://angelofwhiteandgold.blogspot.com/

2008-07-22T23:56:00.002+08:00

I decided to post once again since i just needed an avenue to scream out.

What is wrong with everything? I just don't know who I can turn to. The people whom I once was so sure would be there for me in my darkest hour has simply left a scar on my life.

People whom I once looked up to have disappeared.

What is wrong now. I just don't know. Just stay away. Everyone.

2008-06-18T01:09:00.002+08:00

So I finally decided to post something on my blog.

These past few weeks have been full of trials and such. I guess, the saying is true, you do know in the end who your friends really are in times of desperation.

Sometimes I wonder, what are friends actually here for? Why did God create such a need for it when it only ends up disappointing you?

I have seen through countless groups and never has a single one turned out right. Could it just be my naivety or just be His curse on me?

What would it take to be able to meet those special people?

Shrouding within the darkness
Hidden from the light
What more does it take
For the angels to fly?

2008-04-07T20:58:00.002+08:00

Here I am online once again.

Unfortunately, the internet connection in my room died down so unfortunately I cant go online on msn anymore.

Damn sad.

Anyway, its been damn nice here in Perth.

this will be a short post only.

oops, I have to go already, my room mate, sharif, from Sleeq's calling me to watch JT's concert at Madison Square.

4 more days to Singapore

2008-03-28T22:13:00.002+08:00

Its been such a tiring trip. I dont really know why I am so exhausted. I get to sleep quite earky and wake up reasonably late and still i am so tired.

Australia has been super expensive. The only two good things here are the weather and the people. The people are super friendly.

The school is beautiful. UWA has a a beautiful campus. I love the grounds, the historical architecture and the almost hogwarts feel. I swear, I wld love to go to UWA just to be able to see the school.

Yet, the public transport system there is terrible. I became dellusional with the place and the things are super expensive. Gahh.. I've spent hundreds just on groceries and this was just the first day!

Oh wells, I've been shopping too much. I think out of everyone, I've spent the most on shopping. I'm like spending more then $100 per day! terrible. I hope i can control myself by nxt week.

Ok i'm so tired alr.

2008-03-21T21:44:00.002+08:00

And so I leave in a few hours time.

Strangely, I dont feel very excited. Perhaps it could be due to the fact that I have been anticipating this for months.

I regard this trip more of an opportunity for me to escape to enjoy a peaceful moment for a short period of time. God knows how much I have been through.

Even as I write this down, so many things are rushing through my mind, full of thoughts and emotions. I just need a break and thank god, this opportunity came at the perfect moment.

And so now I wish farewell to all. Do take care and I will miss you, most of you in any case. Hopefully this trip would be theraputic.

Goodbye and farewell...

2008-03-15T00:11:00.002+08:00

Today was a wonderful day.

Besides it being the last day of GC class, there was MBA and TPDE concert.

MBA was brilliant.
After all the hard work and effort put in, it finally came to an end. Truly, all of our work and effrt paid off and the event was spectacular. I will have a hard time next year trying to repeat the feat.

Dance concert was beautiful.
The modern dance was moving and show cased their skill and the hip hop segment oozed of energy.

Although, the dance was beautiful, i think modern needs to recruit more talent. The hip hop dancers who did the modern segments didnt really get to maximize their talent.

At the same time, the past few days was nice.
Went out with Fion, Yanti, Grace and Nicholas Cheong on wednesday after the museum tour. It was such a nice feeling to go out with them again. Whilst we searched the entire bedok area for May's top.
Thursday was spent with Fion and Nicholas where we reviewed the designers works which were amazing before Nicholas dragged us to SMU.

Besides that, I am truly touched by Yanti and Fion's decision to send me off to Australia. Besides the fact that my flight is at 1.am, I realy dont expect anyone to even bother to send me off and now JY is apologizing to me that he cant send me off even though he wants to because he has SIP. I am truly touched.

Its times like these that I truly enjoy knowing that I do have people wiling to stick with me through thick and thin.

2008-03-13T07:50:00.002+08:00

I talked to someone I havent had contact with in years yesterday morning,
someone I once looked up to,
someone whom I highly respected:
William.

It was such a nice surprise to find out he just had his POP two days ago.
Which just meant he was enlisted so early on.

All the memories came flooding back at me as we spoke on topics ranging from life, education and the past.
I still remember the days when we would work together on TMS's first major project: Balloon Day.
He taught me so many things and shard so many wonderful experiences.
This is truly someone I am in debt too.

Yesterday's museum visit was not too exciting.
Most of the exhibits were the same as the ones I saw when I last visited 2-3 years ago.

Cabbed back to TP with Sharif, Felicia and Vanessa and it ended up costing us $28.
As soon as I reached the bus stop, met Yanti, Fion, Grace and Nicholas Cheong.
And they asked me to follow them to City Hall, which by the way,
was where I was from, where I spent $28 to get from.

In the end, we just sat around TM and discussed issues and current affairs.
Especially about a hot topic that unites TP.

Today's another day of GC.

2008-03-11T20:35:00.002+08:00

Had a very interesting dream last night which was unfortunately interrupted by Yanti calling me at 2am. I cant remember what she said or what i said.

Today was nice. Had lunch with Cassaundra before bumping into my cousin Aliah.

It was nice to go out with her again after so long. There's this barrier between us usually. Its mainly due to the fact that some of her friends and I just cannot get along.

GC class has been fine. it can get abit boring since most of the issues are really just general knowledge and hence such a bore.

2008-03-09T23:29:00.002+08:00

I seriously think that every website needs to either have an english version or a translation. It is so irritating to surf websites and then not being able to read anything on them because they are in a foreign language.

For example, I was researching on foreign TV companies and I didnt have much problems with the Japanese media save their english versions were slightly short and lacking in information. But I wasnt able to read a single thing when i surfed the taiwanese websites. What was worse was that it wasnt in simplified mandarin. Unfortunately I dont see how that would have helped me at this moment.

I'm desperately trying to get an internship either in Taiwan or Japan. However, my language skills for either Nihongo or mandarin isnt anywhere near acceptable. I'm giving myself a year to try learn mandarin. As i told Fion, I'm not asking much, just to master her mother tongue.

In any case, anyone who can help me in any of my problems do feel free to contact me :) Help would be most appreciated.

And the election results fr Malaysia is officially out. And boy was it a shocker. The opposition now control 5 states primarily in the north including Kedah, Perak, Penang, Kelantan and the Selangor which was a huge shock given its proximity to the federal territories whilst the sounthern states continued to be BN strongholds. I think Anuar Ibrahim is one hell of a leader to be able to unite such a fragmented opposition. Oh wells, Malaysian politics will never be boring again after this.

2008-03-08T10:03:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was such a terrible day.

Two terrible incidents just sums it all up.

I swear I need a phone. For those who dont know, I broke my phone last week so I've been unable to answer any calls or sms. Just for today, I'm using my broter's phone because his having a cam in school right now.

However, at the end of the day, God smiled on me and decided i deserved a break. And i met one very unlikely person at Eastpoint. Akit. Its been so long since we last met. He was with his brother, Afiq, and his cousin. So nice to finally meet him again.

In any case, I need to go out today. TOPMAN/TOPSHOP is giving away $15 voucher with any regular purchases by members. So go for it.

I start GC classes nxt week from 9-12.30. PLus, I have council things to do everyday after GC all in preparation for Friday's MBA.

Australia better come soon.

2008-02-26T08:16:00.004+08:00

I often wonder why this world and life is twisted.

More often than not, deception is a person's number one tool and facades are the accessories of choice.

With such bleak choices, how is it possible for a person to fully trust another? It is often said people need to let out all the anger and pain that they are feeling but to whom can they do it to?

It is just not possible to let everything out. Simply because of the reason why we need to let everything out: We are all human beings, we are all imperfect. This is the irony of the situation.

When something is let out, things will change. Its useless to say: "Just let everything out. You will feel better and things wont change between us."

People being people always try to find ways to climb up whichever ladder they feel is most important at that point in time, be it the social or job ladders. Like the saying goes:"Everything you say can and will be used against you" except this time it will not be in the court of law but in the theater of life.

I sound so bleak but guess what? Welcome to life where everything you say and do will be judged, where every single word or action reflects on you.

I was just looking at some of my older posts in my blogs, which unfortunately you will not find since they're somewhere else, my life has not changed much at all. In fact, there appears to be a cycle where everything good will end and just when I begin to pick up the pieces, another problem will loom on the horizon.

I should be used to all of this. After all, everyone seems to have the perception that I lead a perfect life, having a rich family, branded a socialite because they think I know almost half of our nation's population, think through everything well, able to interact with everyone I meet and just seem to not have any problems at all because I can help everyone listen to all of theirs.

Well guess what? None of the above is true. I'll will not air my family's dirty laundry so I will not elaborate on that, needless to say, it is not true. I do not know half of our nation's population which equates to about 3 million people. And eve if I do know a fraction oft that, they are like what I said, I just know them, acquaintances. In fact, I do not know if i can consider anyone a true friend. I do not think through things all the time, and even if I do, half the time I act based on my heart and not my head.

And last but not least, I am not problem free. My blog alone is ample proof. and I shall stop here. As much as I wish to continue, I will not. I already have revealed too much in the public domain.

As I have said a very long time ago,We just put on a Facade in a Masquerade, the Masquerade of Life.

2008-02-21T21:53:00.002+08:00

I'm currently in love with musicals yet again. I'm addicted to songs from Sweeney Todd and The Phantom of the Opera. Two beautiful musicals. I realised that the latter is a classic. I would to be able to get the chance to stage The Phantom of the Opera. The songs are beautiful.

Tomorrow promises to be a brilliant day. Those of you having exams tomorrow at the exam hall, come find me outside the hall!

But I need to find something to do after that -_-

Anyone free?

2008-02-21T12:05:00.002+08:00

So many movies to watch.

I have to admit, I've been procrastinating so much work. I have 3 things to finish on photoshop yet I also have filming to do. Sometimes I think its awkward that I'm the only year one doing video so usually I will hang around them. If other people think that I'm sucking up, then they are just uneducated people.

Next week should be more free but I do want to go out with friends.
Will be watching L on tuesday with Kuan Wei.

I've already watched Juno an Sweeny Todd and they are good. Sweeny Todd is a beautiful musical though it is abit gory and has a very sad ending.

I cannot imagine what life will be like next semester. What type of friends will emerge? Who will enter my life? How will i live life? so many ridiculous questions.

At least we are watching the dance concert together as a council. Mostly anyway. We'll enter glamorously dressed to scare everyone.

Until then.

2008-02-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

We've made a great mess of love
Since we made an ideal of it.
The moment I swear to love a woman, a certain woman, all my life
That moment I begin to hate her.

The moment I even say to a woman: I love you! ---
My love dies down considerably.

The moment love is an understood thing between us, we are sure of it,
It's a cold egg, it isn't love any more.

Love is like a flower, it must flower and fade;
If it doesn't fade, it is not a flower,
It's either an artificial rag blossom, or an immortelle, for the cemetery
The moment the mind interferes with love, or the will fixes on it,
Or the personality assumes it as an attribute, or the ego takes possession of it,
It is not love any more, it's just a mess.
And we've made a great mess of love, mind-perverted, will-perverted, ego-perverted love.

D.H.Lawrence.
(Thanks to a certain someone as well)

2008-02-14T19:45:00.002+08:00

And so my two role-plays did not go very well. Terrible.

Watched Elizabeth: The Golden Age yesterday and it was brilliant. Cate Blanchette deserves an Oscar for her performance. She certainly ranks with Meryl Streep as one of the best actresses of all time. Her controlled performance simply shows her talent.

Performances like these make me envy how their characters are able to control their emotions so well, masking happiness, sadness and anger with just a straight and nonchalant facade.

This allows them to have an aura of regality and confidence about them.

Perhaps I should do the same.

2008-02-13T21:21:00.002+08:00

I learned something valuable this semester: never procrastinate.
I ended up doing everything last minute. As it stands, my speech was done two hours before presentation and the presentation fro persuasive communications was very last minute which turned out disasterous.

And now, I have two role plays, both of which have yet to be memorised. Terrible.

In any case, Claudine and I got to meet a prospective French lecturer during lunch. Jerome asked us to have a chat with the, since that guy wanted to talk to the students.

Claudine and I couldn't decide if his name was Nic or Eeks.

In any case, his quite nice and I like his British accent, he is British incidentally, but I think Jerome is still the best.

Au Petit Salut outing soon.

2008-02-10T14:16:00.001+08:00

I'm just extremely disappointed.

2008-02-06T12:31:00.000+08:00

hello.
Just finished filming.

Had time to go back to TMS just now. It was very nice to see all my beloved teachers again.
It was wonderful to talk to Mdm Sharifah, Mdm Suriadi, Mrs Maesten, Ms Morni, the cikgus and of course Mr Oh. I wished Ms Lee would come back. hmm.

Its time for me to move on.

What am I going to do now?

Well, lets just finish all my presentations and stuff and I'll find something.

Australia's beckoning.

And the party should start soon.

Until then.C'est la vie

And a happy chinese new year to all.

2008-02-02T23:41:00.000+08:00

And then there were three.

The speech is finally done.

Only 2 role-plays and 1 presentation left.

Thats not counting MMP test on th 15th.

And then there were none which signals the begining of the holidays.

Its been such a dismal week. Irritation everywhere. Goodness, what will it take for all this to end.

Tomorrow is another day. Good bye.

By the way, I found a very nice new drama to watch. Go catch Gossip Girls.

2008-02-01T22:56:00.000+08:00

Apologise by One Republic

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say

That it's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late
Yeah
Oh ooh

I'd take another chance
Take a fall
Take a shot for you
Oh
And I need you like a heart needs a beat but it's nothing new
Yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red
Now it's turning blue
And you say, "Sorry," like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late
Whoa oh

It's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late

I said it's too late to apologize
Yeah
(Too late)
I said it's too late to apologize
Yeah
(Too late)

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground

2008-01-30T11:01:00.000+08:00

I swear if your read through my posts you wld think i'm insane like i have dual personalities.

In any case, yesterday's meeting was good. I cant wait to do filming.

And i got cmm-ers to join orientation. I'm so proud of myself. brilliant! lol

I think its a record getting 5 people into orientation.

In any case, learnt quite a number of stuff... and I FINALLY completed my part of the MMP/Percom project. goodness.

I'm spending lots of time with my cmm-ers and I love them. Its so ironic that I'm close to them only when school's ending. Super sad.

Was listening to some very random music including:

1)Bond: I love their music. Its like a classical modern mix, just like ben jelen.

2)French songs: Le magnific :)

3)Corrinne May: I swear listening to her is almost theraputic

This friday's a killer, having both my speech and project deadline together at the same time. freak.

Next week's photog and the week after that's my role play and percom presentation. Gahhh.

Au Revoir, Salut

2008-01-28T23:29:00.000+08:00

JAE counselling has been interesting. Met some wonderful juniors and hopefully they get in.
I saw quite a number of extreme end cases such as 5 pointers as well as 20 pointers.

Brendon came over again. Wanted to be very sure he had all his documents in place. Hope he gets in. He looks very dedicated.

It was a nice experience with me getting to know the lecturers from the com skills department better such as Ms Mary-thomas, Mrs Lin-Rhaimy and a few others.

I'm beginning to miss Ms Lau again. Such a long time since we last met. Hopefully we do get to meet again soon.

Deadlines are coming up this week.
Cant wait for all of this to end.

2008-01-23T20:23:00.000+08:00

The farm was a total flop. The bees apparenty flew away. Though Ms Teh didnt believe me when I told her the goats died (which they didnt).
Ended up at T3 which is simply fabulous. Discovered I will be departing from T3 for Perth.

I am in desperate need of soccer.
Unfortunately,I dont think my schedule in the near future permits.
I'm down for duty on Friday and Saturday morning.

I still have my journalism proposal to settle and the rest of my journals.

Like what cassaundra seems to say everyday: "I cant wait for Perth"

Which reminds me, I have a Perth briefing tomorrow.

Three weeks away from all my problems
Three weeks alone to think
Three weeks of freedom
Three weeks of independence
Three weeks of enjoyment
Three weeks in a foreign land
Three weeks to visit my dearest cousins
Three weeks to have fun with denise, sharif, cass and co.
Three weeks of no curfew
Three weeks of university life

The best you can get in an unfair world.

2008-01-22T23:20:00.000+08:00

JAE results will be out very soon.
Good luck to all of you.
If anyone wants to find out more abt CMM or wants to enter or anything else, just come over to TP. I'm on duty on friday and sat.

I've decided to make another critical decision.

And this time I'll keep it to myself.

Deadlines seem to be flying in from left right and centre.
Hopefully it'll all end soon.

Sometimes I think the only bright thing I look forward to now is Perth08 where my aunt and uncle just cant wait for me to sleepover their place.

I remember just before O'levels, I was watching Goong. God knows how I passed my O's with that in view.

Its so sad that I can actually feel my class begining to bond like during photography class just now when people from different cliques were taking pictures together but the semester is about to end which means we'll all split in our 2nd years.

I miss a certain someone.

Journals are due this friday and I'm off for a farm visit tomorrow for photography.

2008-01-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

So many things have happened.

Lets see, martin's bday was interesting. So much bonding between the two of us.

Yanti's bday was white because she ended up getting floured.

OPen house was extremely exhausting. Met so many interesting people. Oh and i think i practicaly know barbara's entire family. Cant believe her parents can remember me. Its been 4 years! oh and i met her sister.

I got selected for UWA! so i'm off for a double holiday in Austraia this year!
Oh and i just met barbara and kelly just now. and i'm meeting kelly in melbourne this june!! yay!!

so here's my double holiday this year:
Perth08- 24th March
Melbourne08- 7th June

I'm having a hell of a year :)

2007-12-16T00:51:00.000+08:00

Two and a half years ago, I enjoyed something that I still miss till today. The experiences and memories that I have carried through since I took my first step in Thailand was beautiful.

The people there were friendly and polite. Although we spoke different languages, we managed to find a way to communicate with each other with a variey of ways including hand sign, basic thai and english or just the usual point-point.
There, about 20 15 year olds painted an entire school and built a gazebo for the Thais in Khaolak.

I guess, its an experience that I will never forget. We had fun, painting the school, and ultimately each other whilst staying clear of the spiders, lizards and everything else that moved. Building the gazebo took, strength and ultimately determination.

I will forever remember the times such as when I had to help Nadya out from being singled out by the cheeky Thai workers, Audrey always making snacks for us when building the gazebo, Erni for getting a Thai admirer whom I am sure still tries to contact her, Anavil for translating everything- or at least trying to, John for being our poster boy and the darling of the Thais, Ms Lim for being our mother when we needed her, Mr Toh for such a impressive dance when we were watching the football game between Milan and Liverpool.

Ultimately, the experience left an impression on me, something that has never been able to replicate. It was so nostalgic to go on a holiday and everytime I sleep in a hotel room, I always remember the time when rasul, adam and me would share a room simply because they were too scared to sleep alone.

Soon, a new camp beckons. What impression will it leave on me this time? I guess, I have buried too much of me a long time ago. Only time will tell.

2007-12-08T22:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes its much easier to just dream.
We wonder around searching for our purpose in life, desperately seeking meaning.
Yet, as we wonder and search, we ponder about experimenting and realising that there is no definite answer to that one question.

More often then not, we try on different masks, believing that the facades help protect us during the difficult periods.
But what if we ourselves lose our true identity from amongst these facades?

A smile upon a person's face may hide a rainbow of emotions from sadness, despair, anger and not just happiness.
You see a person so cheerful and forever one who tries his or her best to be the pillar of strength for everyone around.
For so long the person held on, knowing the reprecussions of his or her actions which could lead the demise of others.

I guess, I myself dont fully understand everything I pour out here.
As I stare out the window, I realised how time has flown.
I get random flash backs and dreams of my past.
From the time which I spent in Kindergarten,
to moments which I once cherished,
such as my first meeting with my friends
such as Haikal, Nadiah, Khairul, Zawani, Azyan
until I reached my secondary school years where people such as
Andy, Adam, Hakim, Hannah, Sara, Sham, Kuan Wei, Kai Wu, William, Izzati, Nani and my beloved teachers
and of course a certain someone
made my life a living rollercoasters with its ups and downs
and now I enter a new chapter in my life.
Already the game has begun with the game of musical chairs already begun.
A beloved mentor has already left with another who might be in critical condition.
And it always makes me wonder, who will be next?

I will always try to be there when you are in need.

Under the moonlight
Its now time for me to bid
A final farewell

Komenasai
Sayonara

2007-12-07T18:40:00.001+08:00

and so the week ends. to me at least. i've just had an email from my uncle in australia. god knows how much i actually miss them.

and so yesterday was interesting enough with my back-to-back tests and presentation. well, its interesting enough doing french written test with jerome marking your listening paper right infront of you. and as usual, his face showed a rainbow of colourful expression.
Presentation was dreadfully boring. the only thing that kept me awake was my terrible flu and wen jie's, or shld i call him justin, hilarious jokes. i didnt do very well for that since i practically skipped one entire cue card.

so today i brought a certain someone around school. hopefully that someone enjoyed herself.

i met mdm suriadi yesterday whilst having dinner with fion, yanti, james and kailing. and i was super touched when she introduced herself as my teacher and also my mom. i swear i really do miss her. now that ms lau has left, i dont really have anyone to turn to. whats worse, another close lecturer might have to leave soon too.

light shines from within
a beacon of hope springs out
within the darkness
-nathaniel

2007-12-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

First, happy thoughts. My darling brother won the Ballon D'or. Yayness. God i'd give an arm and a leg to go see him.
In any case, went to watch beowulf with Nicole and Clara. Had an interesting time with them.

I just found out some stuff yet again. today is such a terrible day. heaven forbid i need some sort of miracle right now.

2007-11-29T08:43:00.000+08:00

just finished reading a certain someone's blog. as sadistic as this sounds, i'm happy. oh wells. i'm a heartless ass so sue me. anyway, your demise is my friends happiness.

Spent the day with eda, vanessa, brenda and weida in school as i did work and stuff. having brunch with poh hoon brought out some memories. aha. so sentimental but oh wells.

anyway, i just realised that my two very good friends are the ones that i rarely meet. the ones that dont really have an impact in my life and the ones who are actually in my life by chance. coincidence? this months been an interesting month with me surviving on chocolates to stimulate my emotions (ok that sounds abit off) and getting closer to a group of people i wld never have thought possible.

i have no idea why i decided to blog this way. but oh wells. i know that one of them reads my blog and the other.. i dont think knows it exists. ahaha. but i shall not bother to mention names. god knows we dont mention names,now do we? :p

2007-11-27T16:16:00.000+08:00

someone made my day last night. lol. it was a very.. interesting and enlightening convo. i swear i nv expected any kind of praise coming frm you. lol.

but my day like crashed in the morning due to that poor excuse of a lecturer. so irritating. i swear, i nearly killed her. wth?! gave me a C just because i used a styrofoam board instead of a foam board?! freak.

She managed to piss of the entire class but of course a certain someone wanted to suck up to her so he tried to defend her. God. Irritating obnoxious bugger.

seriously that spoilt my day. on a better note, i finished my resume so i'm left with my cover letter, journal and jap. yay!

see you.

2007-11-26T15:17:00.000+08:00

I think i'm one of the hardest people to work with. Well, so sue me. I'm serious. I dont like nonsense when doing work. I mean if people really want to do work or projects then do it and dont waste my time. I hate wasting time. God, what is wrong with people.

On a lighter note, morning's lecture was fun. Ok not Ng kwee hoon talking nonsense as usual but the hanging out with the 04 people. So now Shariff, Denise, Vera, Haikel, Eda and maybe darius, viven and some others will go watch a musical next week starring hossan leong and gang.Oh and we're having a christmas party soon! like yay. i get to have my christmas party since i cant go for any other since i'm going on a holiday. oh and the response for the Aust trip was gd. only 25+ people interested and since only 20 people are allowed, its gd! yay ness. it was such a fantastic morning which was like spoilt by the terrible percom tutorial.

Gahhh!!! oh and i think i need to see a councillor or a psychologist. So here's an application for a best friend advert. (Which btw is impossible to fulfil) i am in desperate need to talk to someone who i can spill everything to but i cannot know that person. or rather i must trust that person completely. well thats an impossible task so ciao.

2007-11-21T20:26:00.000+08:00

met up with hannah just now to send ati off to cairo. so its my third consecutive day at the airport. talk abt exhausting. jap lecture was quite ok and i managed to drag poh hoon to french. she was saying that i've dragged her to TM and now french lecture so whats next? haha. i told her i'd drag her to jurong next. lol.

Had a very nice time having lunch with james. met up aft french and we ended up going to TM to makan at pizza hut. spent one hr there
ok actually more of 30 mins eating, then 30 mins of him watching me eat.
hahahaha.
oh we played daytona and I WON!!!!! WOOTZ!

i met wanni's mum yest. no wait on monday. had a wonderful time talking. i must go sms wanni and talk to her again.

dont feel like blogging. bye

2007-11-19T09:58:00.000+08:00

Dang!I got out of bed at 6.30. now i need my coffee!

well i arrived in school at 8.15. thank god i found darius and haikel. and so we decided to crap as usual.

Went to malaysia yeterday. I have this thing thats stuck in my mind. Dont malaysians esp johor people feel anything when they come to singapore? dont they feel any shame? I mean when you go to JB you have t pay to use the toilet. I'm ok with that but the toilets are freaking dirty. like WTH?! seriously. plus, their service sucks. they can ignore you or even tell you off when you ask for something. like yesterday, when i was buying kaya balls, this lady beside me told the staff that she already paid for the food then the staff just told her off and said that she's busyright now and asked if she knew the meaning of wait. WTH?! i just stared at her.

Oh and another thing i realised, at the checkpoint, the malaysian staf wld wana protect and screen themselves behind these dark mirrors because they wana hide themselves. So much for being friendly and wanting us to come back.

anyway, glad your back and it was nice to see you at the airport. so sry for not being able to send you off.

2007-11-17T09:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was terrible. What the hell was HE doing in MY school?! Just get lost and i hope i dont have to see a hint of your ugly, silly and childish face.

Luckily there were 3 people that made my day yesterday.

1)Jamil
YOu kinda like emerge from out of no where. haha. what was me crashing the rawkers 'lecture' turned out to be some fun thing for us. Its been a hell of a long time since we last had a decent convo what with you changing your hp no.s and email add so often. But its ironic you made my day when the one that spoilt it is our dear old friend.

2)Siewlin
Another unexpected one. haha. Cui doll just appeared in the lecture theater then we decided to go walk and explore CCN day. So we kept buying nonsense and she kept buying food which she can never finish. haha. so we kept sharing food and she insisted on feeding me those cheesecakes. dang.

3)Ming
Thanx so much. He was super sweet!! bought lollipop and balloons for us. hahahah. oh and cuidoll, ming and me shared lunch together. we had stingray!!!! happening sia.

oh and btw, jerome has such a cute nephew. i think his abt the same age as my sis and his eyes are deep blue. my god!

2007-11-12T09:34:00.000+08:00

I just saw Syazlina. It was wierd ep since i have not seen her for a very long time. PLus, she didnt recognize me. haha. We had an interesting convo and she was going for street dance! Wow. Super talented like my certain friend :)

Talked to nad again and she's handing herself well. Or at least i think so.

Oh i started talking to someone again. Like wow. Never thought I would ever. Now I dont know what to do. Dang.

My assignments are piling up once again. Freak. ok bye.

2007-11-05T19:02:00.000+08:00

Lets do a recap.

Saturday.
Was late for my relatives nikah. My mom insisted that it was at 5 but guess what, it was over by the time we reached the place. what a waste of time.
Thank god the gathering at Kak Cha Cha's place was more fun. In the midst of the high school musical 2 which the girls were watching, the match btwn man utd and arsenal was abt to start so naturally, a 'fight' soon broke out. lol. hilarious.
The match was beautiful. Fabregas was awesome and my cousin was heartbroken when gallas scored the late equalliser.

Sunday was truy exhausting. Reached my relatives place at 11 to help out. AHH!! I neary died. Wawan and me were initially playing around when there wasn't many people around but Kak Yana and I soon teamed up to help around.
IN the midst of everything, guess who I saw? Syed! lol. so now I'm related to Syed. Quite shocking. In any case, Fadhi's daughter is super cute!!! but his wife is seriously young. i think she's younger then me.

I dont look forward to school anymore. I love what i'm studying and my lecturers but somehow I just cannot stand people anymore. I dont like talking to immature and stupid people who are just extremely uncivilised.

I guess i've passed a new stage where I no onger see a need to appease people. So to all those uncivilised and crude hooligans go slap yourseves and get a life.

2007-11-02T17:54:00.000+08:00

had to go for a medical checkup today at outram. so troublesome plus i had to go for a blood test no wait, its a HIV test. oh wow, and coincidentally, hirzi came up to me with a videocam with denise and munah and asked me,"So how does it feel like to have sex?" LOL!!!!

Anyway, i had to go to the CID department at Cantonment Road for a screening. God anyway, if your wondering why i had to do all those things, its not because i had sex with a minor or whats not. Its for my migration. I didnt know it was so troublesome to apply for a PR.

oh and i had a dream for the first time in a freaking long while and it invilved haikal, his parents and someone else. lol. not gona say anything else though i do find it extremely wierd that my mind remembered haikal...

2007-11-01T11:06:00.000+08:00

JY hit it spot on yesterday when he said that TP should start having a Diploma in Fakeness. Unfortunately that was the only thing that made sense before he and Cheong launched on the topic of the diploma being a 72 CU course and so fourth. If the diploma were to ever appear, I should apply to be a lecturer. Hmm.

IN anyway, yesterday was a face saving move. I screamed at everyone. Seriously speaking, I dont like irresponsible people. I detest them. Its rude and insulting.

Thank god everything is now over.

Au Revoir

2007-10-30T14:56:00.000+08:00

I dont really know whats wrong anymore. It feels so empty. I hate this feeling.

Its been so long since I had pure fun i feel. There is always something holding me back one way or another. I just dont know who I can turn to or what I can do.

Seriously speaking, my mood changes as fast as the weather and can be as terrible as a thunderstorm or as bright as the hot sun. Just don't expect warmth during my mood swing sessions; I'll rip you apart.

Aft talking to andy yesterday, i reaised something very sad. I'm alone now, with no one to turn to. Clara asked me just now how many friends I have given that she says I seem to know everyone in TP. Well, surfice to say, I dont really have friends in T. I have many, many aquaintences but how many can be actually considered friends? That is a very big qn that I dont think I am in a position to answer.

I've come to this stage where I dont really care anymore what people think. I just want to find myself in this world, something which I think is quite impossible given the hypocritical state of this world.

I have a very big feeling that Wednesday will be a milestone, marking the end as I bid farewell to some whom I once accounted as friends.

2007-10-29T17:15:00.000+08:00

Ok i'm now in the Mac lab and i LOVE the new Macs! they are HUGE!!!lol. too bad to all you non CMM students. haha. MMP is such a BORE!! OMG like reallly. So much work! i seriously prefer the tutorials. Gahh! anyway. have to go now. gd bye!!

2007-10-28T09:17:00.000+08:00

Sunday is here!

It was a SUPER exhausting day yesterday!

Like really.

I made Oreo Cheesecake! Yay!! I'm bringing some tmr so those who want some ask ya?

Anyway, went to my dad's friend's place yest. My Parents left me stranded at Eunos MRT!! WTH?!

Luckily I know how to get there even though I've been there ony once before and that was last year. Aunty Khai was so shocked to see me but then I confessed that I just took a cab. Lol

I only spent half an hour there before having to rush home because people had arrived.

Uncle Suhirman came yesterday!! (BTW, his the art director for the classifieds) His so funny and his son is such a game addict. Seriously. I call that hantu game and my brother and my cousins are just like that.

And two of my uncles' are now photographer freaks. They were going around taking pics with their brand new toys. My aunt was saying that she'll give him a week before taking it back. Lol.

Then I went to my cousin's place and Je Suis Fatigue, so Moi just grabbed a pillow and slept as soon as I arrived.. HAHAHA

and today I have an exam which I have to sit for but I didnt even open the book the whole year. haha. Who cares?

Yay and I get to go to Kak Fadillah's place today! She's a homec teacher at Marsiling Sec and even though she's my Aunt-In-Law, I like her. actually she's also my other side's 2nd or 3rd cousin.

Actually I have about 5 houses to go today? Like dang seriously exhausted. Well, tmr I start PerCom tutorial so yay! Bonsoir. A Bientot

2007-10-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

Today was another FUN day though abit BORING. Ok that was an oxymoron. Hmm.

Anyway, PERsuasive COMmunications was BRILLIANT! Mrs Nah was sarcastic, witty and hilarious. I love her anecdotes and stuff.

After lecture, Jon, Cheryl, Russell and Bhavna, Desiree and Andrea's BF AND Mel and Me were playing Jon's new game of cards called Chez Geek. ITs bloody fun. So in any case, we were playing solo or in teams or 2. IN the end the team of Mel and Moi WON!! WOOTZ!

After that, Cheryl, Jon, Mel and me went to KFC for lunch/dinner. lol. It was fun. Esp since its been a very long time since we all slacked together.

We catched up on some stuff like abt Harry, Mel's new bf and practised some french. I so cant wait and have fun with them. Hopefully we all can go crazy together in Perth!! WOOTZ!!

Hopefully, the sem will just be as fun as this week!!! Bonne Nuit! A La Porchine

2007-10-26T00:19:00.001+08:00

OMG! i just received some brilliant news or rather I saw and now my timetable looks great and it only makes me love my french class even more!!! Vive la France!!

lol.

2007-10-25T20:04:00.000+08:00

Salut!

Had a fabulous day today. I just completed a round of japanese and french classes.

French rocks to the max plus I have Jerome as my tutor or should I say Monsiur Jacquet. He is seriously the best. Plus, we were speaking French the whole time in tutorial. It was magnifiqe. And i love my french class which contains bhavna, eugene, marcus and..... someone whose name i forgot, lol.

Jap was nice though not a fun. everything was in english though. Ms Tan, my tutor was nice and asked us some qns in jap but generally everything was in eng. She got a shock when i asked if our presentation was to be in jap. lol. And my class isnt as fun. Dang.

Oh and thank god for my lecture I have Poh Hoon with me. Oh and so was samuel lee!

I think its so easy to tell who is taking french and who is taking jap. there is seriously more ah bengs and ah liens taking jap. like omg.

lol.

In any case, Bonne nuit!

2007-10-24T23:16:00.000+08:00

French lecture was brilliant! Our lecturer was funny and i loved his french accent. Oh and thank god eugene is in the same class as me. At least I have some company. I think he is a nice person. Cant wait for tutorial tmr as well as jap tutorial and lecture ad they are all back to back!!!

After the emergeny MMP lecture (more of last min) I set out to meet whomever was supposedly free but in the end i just went all by myself. Luckily Joey and Clara met up with me at Centrepoint before heading to Heeren where we had a fantastic time shopping, looking for Amanda's gift and eating. Note to self and people: I'm now broke so....... lol. The three of us went for the Sashimi Buffett at Sakae. TO think that we promised to go with clara on monday, the last time we went to orchard, to go eat with her next month. haha.It was simply delicious. We were so fussy with the salmon sashimi but in the end, we got extremely fresh, thin and delicious slices. I give the service 4 stars!!!

Oh and guess what, we signed up for the Heeren privilage card which means we get discounts andwe got free movie tix!! wohoo!!!

i really had a blast today with them. They really saved my day.

2007-10-23T09:24:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's lecture was B-O-R-I-N-G! It was nice to meet everyone again and now the sitting arrangements during lectures are finally begining to shape up and the clique lines are more obvious. That unfortunately got me confused as to where I should sit given that I generally mix with every single grp except maybe those from 03. Ended up sitting with Jon, Mel and Jes, people that I missed the most givn that I only saw them once during the hols. But really, lecture was such a bore with Ms Ng Kwee Hoon dronning away as if she was talking to herself. Photog lecture seriously seems too impt to skip. Dang!

After lecture, Joey, Cas, Clara and Nicholas Lai had lunch at Mensa where I met JY, Cheong and Jolene before going to town to shop and boy did we shop. We spent 7hrs in town just shopping. Joey bought a bag frm NUM at $189, Nic bought adidas shoes and some stuff from topman and we had to walk all the way from far east to heeren to get clara's shoes. Obviously we had a million and one pit stops in between far east and heeren. We went to Wheelock to look at Crumplers, Wisma for topshop/topman and F21, Paragon to drop by Country Road which btw, is having a huge sale. Well I bought... thats something I'm not going to tell you :p

Right after we bought Clara's shoes, my mom called saying that we had to go visiting again last night. I had to rush over to Simei MRT to meet her. Like really. Its super exhausting. and I finally reached home at 12.

I'm going to meet Selvan today to try add french! Wish me luck!!!

2007-10-22T07:19:00.000+08:00

Just a short and quick post since I'm off to school in half an hour. a minor miracle has just happened! KIMI WON THE TITLE! Sorry to all McLarens fans but unfortunately, I hate Hamilton and finally Kimi Raikkonen has won the title he so deserve after losing it last year to Alonso and 3 years ago to Schumacher. Whatever the case, He still won!!

Ok I am off to school now. I'm still contemplating if I should even bring a bag at all and its pouring heavily. Dang!

2007-10-19T12:20:00.000+08:00

I'm studying Jap this sem!! how cool is that?? Amanda was screaming at me and kept asking me to swap with her because she got French even though that was her 3rd choice. She wanted to study jap. Well, i told her that I want to study french too but i wont give up jap. Quite alot of people will be taking french. Seriously. More then half of the poeple I know will be taking french or psychology.

My timetable for next sem isnt as nice as last sem!! I have to go sch everyday BUT only for 2hr on mon, wed and fri and 3hrs for tue and thursday. What a waste of time!! PLus, thursday is still the worst day because i have jap tutorials for 2hrs and jap lecture for an hr back to back! dang.

The crew!! haha. I look wierd. I had a blast shooting with the cast and crew for the drama. It was Fabulous! The MCYS director was right when she came and said that she love dgoing to see malay drama shootings because the houses are so nice and the atmosphere is brilliant! Really, we were all one bigh happy family as we helped one another, shared experiences and ate together. Kak Gee, no idea why we call her that as her name is actually Roziah (I think ah), she was a fantastic host, she kept making drinks for us, usually, coffee, tea and cold drinks at the same time, bought delicious food for us, breakfast, lunch and dinner, from as far away as Joo Chiat, Changi and bukit batok and was super friendly. Too bad Kak Azizah, the producer isnt in the photo. She went home early as she was having morning sickness. But then again, it was at night.

I had a blast repraising me role as the Assistant Director!! ok actually I was the acting A.D for the drama. I learned so many new things and it takes a hell of a long time to shoot! It took us 3 days to shoot just 1 half an hour episode. like wow.

Repraising my new role as the A.D. with Sanif, the director.

Discussions with abng shahrin, the producer, and abng khalid, the actor.

Here I am with Hassan, Ria's programme director!

Preparing for our shoot at Tanah Merah

The last scene. Thats Andekah Putra, Abng Shahrin's son.

Oh wells. I wanted to post some of my hari raya pictures but unfortunately blogger isnt cooperating with me at this moment. Do take care and see you in school next week.

2007-10-14T12:06:00.000+08:00

So hari raya arrived. It seems that tradition has long disappeared in my family. I stayed at home on th eve and just watched the Korean drama entitled Witch Yoo Hee, which I managed to finish. I didnt bother contacting anyone. Like what Andy said:"In the end, you only have yourself to depend on."

Yesterday was interesting. Visited my grandmother in the morning. I finally got to meet my step cousins afetr so long. I do miss them. After which, I went visitng with my dad's siblings which was the first time for me because usually I would go visiting with my mom's side. I kinda prefer going out with my mom's side. No offence to my dad's side. But i did manage to visit two of my late grandfather's siblings. I feel so sad for them.My granduncle sounds like he is just waiting for his time. I was so moved. He has lost all his vitality all these years as he used to be very close to my grandfather and after the death of my grandfather, he rarely goes out. My grandaunt's memory is failing. It seems I'm the only person amongst my cousins that she can remember. In a way, I pity her. She lost her husband and her brother within the space of a month.

Things like this really got me thinking about how much I do miss people. But in the end, that doesnt matter anymore. I realise I'm a very sensitive person, being able to sense and detect many traits but what I abhor the most is when people don't even bother to cover their tracks when they let slip something out and think that nothing happen. Its absolutely nonsense. A friend of mine asked if I was pissed with certain people because they lacked subtlety and tack. I thought abt it and after awhile I realised that I was more pissed with the fact that they were stuck in a n illusion that they created themselves. Perhaps this could have been adverted if they showed more tack but it riled me even more when they dont even want to admit their mistakes because they are too blind to see them.

IN any case, Selamat Hari Raya Eidulfitri. MinalAidilWalFaIzin

2007-10-10T22:58:00.000+08:00

What started out as a potential detstress and fantastic day turned out to be a nightmare. My hair is in a mess its now too short and i am in desperate need of producing a miracle to make it look good in 2 days time.

I guess the talent and ability God bestowed upon me is both a blessing and a curse. It is a double-edged sword. Today felt serene in a very eerie way. I realise that the status quo cannot remain.

I've recently been keeping myself occupied by watching the korean drama Witch Yoo Hee. It somehow manages to distract me from the million and one things floating in my head. Why cant God be more merciful and just transport me to some remote area in space and die alone?

I really do wish everything is so much simpler. I want to believe that everything is as simple as 1+1=2 but guess what? there is an infinite amount of answers to a question and none of them can be considered totally right or wrong. Add on to the fact that there are reprecussions to almost every single thing and you have a problem sum except this time, the ans isnt in black and white.

If you are wondering why I left just now then analyse everything that happened before I surrounded myself in silence. Add on to other factors and you get a hell of a complex situation. If you want to know what happened this is the only answer I will give you:"It was due to several unforseen circumstances and shall be dealt with accordingly."

2007-10-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

I was about to post some stuff abt my conversation with an old friend just now but I decided not to as its a waste of time.

Things truly have changed. Well I guess it doesnt matter anymore. You have made the first move. Congratulations, you win the first bout andit was a first move but the game has just begun. You should realise after almost 5 years of knowing me that I am not to be underestimated and I am confident in my abilities to overcome your little traps.

You've made your move and now its my turn. Let the games begin.

2007-10-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder how emotionless or heartless I can be. There was another death in the family on wed. My grandaunt passed away. It is quite a shock for me. She is the first amongst her siblings to pass on.

As I attended the funeral my mind was blank. On one hand, I knew that I was supposed to feel devastated at the loss yet I felt nothing. I realise that I am not a funeral person. Even at my grandfather's funeral, whilst we were preparing the things that needed to be done, I was just me, chatting around, trying to engage in a conversation with everyone, making sure that everyone was greeted. You know, the usual. Everyone thought that I was insane for that but to me, it was just something normal. In the end, just as I saw my grandfather for the last time, everything just came out and I burst out crying. I swear it was not a pretty sight.

IN any case, I realised how very few people that are supposedly close to me are not actually close at all. In fact, I can envision the loss of several people and to me its just natural. I guess this is mostly because so many people have come and go in my life.

So another chapter closes. But a new one will open. I guess my heart has hardened so much that I no longer care so much. I can remember most of the people and trust me it is ALOT of people. But I feel that I should care. These are people that have made a mark in my life and have influenced me in one way or another but I guess I have given up. I have tried too many times to retain some hint of the relationships i used to share with these people but I just fail. The only advantage I have for the moment is that my course is very small so I will still be able to interact with my close coursemates but then again, who knows? Look what happened the last time? And in any case, this will only last for three years.

After the end of next sememster, it will herald a new year and I am very certain changes will occur and links will be broken and new links will form. And well, another round of changes will happen coinciding with the beginning of a new era.

and btw, my new maid just arrived.

2007-10-01T21:27:00.001+08:00

I went to the airport just now to send yanti and martin off and i saw CORNELIUS!! My old classmate. He just came back frm china and I cant believe he didnt tell anyone except Aisyah. In any case, we went to marina for bowling where I assure you I was terrible. Dang. I need to rediscover my form.

I think its time I come up with a list things I seriously need to focus on. I've been out of focus for too long.

1) I seriously need to focus more time on archery. I've been so lazy to go for training especially since its the fasting month (so you cant really blame me) But its time to buck up and practise!

2) Need to dedicate more to CMM. I havent done so many things that I'm supposed to.
I havent even prepared myself for net semester. Truthfully, I'm still in holiday mood. Meaning I've been on holiday since last year!

3) I've got to stop 'friend-hopping'. Like what Andy said, I jump around too often and I end up knowing too many people but not being close to any. Well you cant blame me for being able to socialize freely with every person on earth.

4) I need to kick my ass and wake up to go find a job. I'm such a slacker. God, I wish I was a spoilt brat with super rich parents who shower me with money.

Hopefully I get to do all these things properly. Dang. Oh did I mention I'm getting a new maid because my mom suddenly decided that she cant clean anything anymore and that she cant even bend down to get anything. And to think she was lecturing me abt saving money last week. Oh and did I mention she just went for lasik surgery?? Ironic world huh?

2007-09-29T01:31:00.001+08:00

Here are two poems a friend just shared with me. They were written by some poet long time ago I think.

Enjoy.

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

My true love hath my heart and I have his.
By just exchange one for the other given.
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss,
There never was a better bargain driven.
My true love hath my heart and I have his.
His heart in me keeps me and him in one,
My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides:
He loves my heart, for once it was his own,
I cherish his because in me it bides.
My true one.

2007-09-27T19:21:00.000+08:00

Sort me!

Gryffindor

Brave. Daring. Bold. Chivalrous.
Gryffindor is most often seen as, "the best house," of Hogwarts. Of course, that title can't go to any house in particular, as they all have praiseworthy traits. We know the most about Gryffindor than any other house. To be in Gryffindor usually means you're brave, and borderline reckless.

Occasionally we see Gryffindors with other admirable (and not so admirable) tendancies, but most often we see bravery, however hidden it may be. Even if you think you might be a bit of a nervous wreck, chances are if you're in Gryffindor you have boldness hidden within you, only to emerge in a time of need.

To be a Gryffindor can be similar to saying you're most like a knight, showing bravery and chivalry. You can be very honorable. However, don't let pride be your downfall. Congratulations on being sorted into Gryffindor!

2007-09-26T15:33:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching Hanazakarino Kimitachihe Japan and it is beautiful. I agree with Amanda's stand that the jap version is better then the taiwan version.

The show focuses on the main characters without leaving out the other cast, something that the taiwanese version failed to do. I can really sense the school spirit that was being portrayed in the show. Furthermore, the comedy shown really makes me laugh my head off. It has drama, comedy as well as sweet and touching moments.

And the ending is so much better! It is really a closure and it makes you really satisfied with the whole show.

How I wish my life can be as fun and as carefree as that.

2007-09-26T00:44:00.000+08:00

I got bored and since i saw what yanti did, i was curious abt this so i tried it. lol

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more open with you.

With respect to money, you spend whatever you have.

You think good luck might come your way, but if it does you'll be so surprised you'll burst out laughing.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you will search and search until you find your perfect match.

Who's The True You?

Your Kissing Technique Is: Perfect

Your kissing technique is amazing - and you know it.
You have the confidence to make the first move.
And you always seem to know what kissing style is going to work best.
Sometimes you're passionate, sometimes you're a tease. And you're always amazing!

Are You a Good Kisser?

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion!
And chances are, you're currently in love.
You have a strong physical response to love...
And you are great at committing
(As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

What's Your Love Style?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are confident and ready to tackle life.
You are pretty vain and happy with your physical appearance.
You are born to be the center of attention, and you're unhappy on the sidelines.
You're always up for trying something new - in and out of bed!

If you don't get enough sleep, you: Look like hell

It's hard to sleep next to you because: You toss and turn all night

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.

You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.

By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.

And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play
You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party
Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare
And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Are Merlot

Smooth, confident, and popular - you're the type most likely to order wine for the whole group.
You seem to breeze through life on your intuition and wit. And no one seems to mind!
You're comfortable in any social situation you find yourself in, and you never feel outclassed.
And while you live a charmed life, you never let it go to your head. You are truly down to earth and a great friend.

Deep down you are: Balanced and mature

Your partying style: Surprisingly wild... when you let loose, you really let loose

Your company is enjoyed best with: Some greasy pizza

What Kind of Wine Are You?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Nakatsu Anenokoji

What's your Japanese Name?

You Are 53% Real

You're pretty real with people, but you can't help hiding a good part of yourself.
You're not truly happy with who you are at times... and believe it or not, it shows.
Try not to hide parts of your life from the people who matter to you.
Your friends and family are probably a lot more accepting than you realize!

How Real Are You?

Your French Name is:

Chevalier Poitiers

What's Your French Name?

2007-09-25T21:36:00.000+08:00

One question that I have been asking for some time is how well do you think you know a person? Even if you were to spend years together the truth of the matter is that it is still difficult to understand a person.

I was blog hopping and I came across something interesting in my friend's blog. He was writing about secrets and he said:

"I rather share ALL my secrets with one wise person.
Than expose one little secret to a multitude of fools...

We all need someone to share the deeper details of our lives.
Who we pick is VERY important.
A person who knows your secrets can either build you up or tear you down.

So who you pick to confide in will determine whether your life is built up...or torn down."

"The safest assurance to who to share with?
Of course the one who you were placed accountable to."

And who exactly do I regard as accountable? No one of course. Yet I realise like any human being, I will explode if i do not release all the pent up emotions. Well, it seems that subconsciously, I have taken to realising bits of emotions to people that I meet or talk to. It doesnt matter if they are random or not because basically, a tiny portion of information is harmless. Best of all, these people mostly or almost all the time do not realise that they actually know a tiny portion of my life that I will not reveal to anyone else.

As what was said by Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, It is not wise to keep all your secrets in one basket, it is better to spread it across afew baskets. (Or it goes something like that)

Yesterday was an interesting day. It is quite sad to realise that I only got close to Nicholas Cheong during this period when he will be leaving. Fortunately, I decided that I should not be affected by his departure as our friendship will still remain.

As to what was discussed yesterday, I have come to the conclusion that I am not a stubborn person rather I am extremely headstrong. As I mention on the way home to some people, I will do whatever it takes for the good of those around me and I do have the strength the push through with things that are necessary no matter how unpopular they are.

2007-09-23T17:37:00.000+08:00

I realised how much of a perfectionist I am and that I really do epect alot from everyone around me. Well I just cannot help it when I expect a certain amount of class, courtesy and etiquette from those around me.

Isit very wrong for me to expect all that? I have always pondered over this question. Many time I have tried to change and lower my expectations of others but subconsciously, I have never ever changed. I guess this stems from my frustrations with everyone around me and how everyday, I see crude, immature and uncivilised behaviour all around.

I had a very interesting conversation with Nazmi and my teacher's sister just now during class. We were discussing about the shortcomings of our society and about that blogger. It is such old news and I cant believe she's so slow but oh wells. Nowadays, class seems to be more of a conversation between the 3 of us because the rest are always silent and I think are in a world of their own. How unfortunate.

Nazmi is a much more interesting person then his bro, Naqib. lol. We seem to be subtling insulting each other at every possible moment. Its something that is quite enjoyable as I havent had this much fun tryng to outsmart someone in the name of fun for some time.

Oh and I just saw my aunt's cousin. It was damn sweet that he and his dad went up to me to say hi esp since all that has happen. I really do love her relatives. hmm. And I'm going out with Akit soon!

2007-09-21T22:49:00.000+08:00

I recently went blog-hopping and I visited several people's blog (like of course) In any case, it was sad to see what people have become. People whom I once regarded as my close friends all just disappear and accuse me of not wanting to meet them or god knows what. Well, I've gotten used to all of this. After all, I realised that not one of my friendship continues on after a period of time (with the exception of one though that one had interesting circumstances). I guess, technically, only Nani remains. That is just sad.

Whatever the case, I am at least glad that I have a terrific bunch of people in poly. Be it in the form of my classmates like Jon, Mel, Jessica, Cass, Clara and of course my dear friend Joey to my coursemates like Sharif, Vanessa, Gd friend Kay, Dhini, Denise Philips, Cheryl, to my fantastic lecturers Ms Chuah, Mr Yong, Mrs Nah, Ms Lau and Ms Tan to my seniors Denise De Cruz, YiZhong, Fredrick, YuRen, Philip to my dearest Clique. Its fantastic to be surrounded by all of you and I truly love my poly life though it has had its fair share of ups and downs.

Gd night.

2007-09-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

Today's events have brought back memories from the past. How I almost let my barrier fall unexpectedly. It was such a stupid act and a lapse of judgement on my part.

Memories from the past have flooded me once again. Memories of the one and only time I have broken down came rushing back to me. I have no idea why I am even writing this. Perhaps I am just hoping that Rachele will read my blog no matter how miraculous that may be. You were the only one who has ever seen me break down. However, nothing has changed. I still go around wearing the facade that has been with me. The great barrier is still intact even though I have experienced several moments of uncertaincies.

It certainly feels that the shadow of darkness that which I stand in keeps expanding by the day. Its loneliness and sorrow feels deeper and more real truly.

2007-09-16T11:40:00.000+08:00

well I am now stuck hooked onto a new taiwanese drama. I am such a sucker for dramas. Dang. Really, Once i watch 1 or 2 episodes of any dramas be it a sinetron, taiwanese, korean or japanese drama, I'd be hooked on.

The latest one is titled Tokyo Juliet starring Wu Zun and Ariel. Its not very cliche seeing there isn't just one love triangle. haha. But i love the opening song with its violin and classical influences. PLus, Wo Zhi Tui Ni You Gan Jue was played like 4 or 5 times in 7 episodes. And since I love that song, I give it the thumbs up.

Things have been moving extremely fast these past few days. Way ahead of schedule these past few days. I do realise that certain people feel that, to quote his words or rather mine as I supplied him the phrase, making a mountain out of a mole hill. Well I do agree on certain counts but unfortunately, I believe what I am doing is right. Not doing anything will only cause this problem to worsen. It is time now to actually do something and not sit around and watch. I will take things into my own hands if need be.

Any way, congrats to a special someone for scoring points. I told you that you need not stoop so low just to enjoy life. Now you have a fantastic new entry into your life or at least we all hope so. Looking around at how everyone around me seems to be enjoying things has really made me envious. Are my criterias too stringent?

2007-09-11T10:18:00.000+08:00

well, i'm at home now. had to go back unfortunately due to some very inconvenient people. Chalet was fun. Joey and me reached at 5 and guess what? only Yizhong, Fred, Shona, Afiq and Philip were there. haha. Fred went crazy and sterelized everything he cld see including the cups and stuff. Hilarious to watch. And Yizhong was trying to serenade the chicken which sounded funny and wrong. Oh and btw, Philip's a year three. His damn nice and wierd. He ended up being the only year 3 who stayed around.

At first, We played on philip's xbox 360 playing guitar heroes i think. We then started to barbecue when Ms Chua, Mrs Nah, Ms tan and Mr yong came. that i tell you is funny. In any case, We renewed our gossips and Ms CHua kept asking why the chalet was yesterday cuz it was the last day of the 7th month.

Mr D came and i tell you, the situation was so different. He kept going on and on about something. And i have no idea why he suddenly commented to Sharif "maintain image, maintain balance" and he said that in a very malay way. later on that night, sharif and me kept trying to figure out what the hell that meant.

That night, denise and co were karaokeingwhich was hilarious. this thing even had a score card so we were all singing or shouting cuz we were super high. haha.

IN the end, sharif and me left at abt 11.50. It took super long to get a cab because firstly, shrif stays in woodlands and secondly, duno why the army people just finished camp so everyone was taking cab. irritating. anyway went back aft that. sharif is quite a nice person. hmm.

2007-09-09T11:07:00.000+08:00

Well, this is my last post before going off for the CMM chalet tomorrow. Like what Fred said:"Can you feel the mood people?!" That was Fred being Fred, lame as usual. But he had a point. Whats better was that I managed to settle the party stuff with Mel yesterday! So it'll be Joey, Mel, Jes, Suzanne and me sharing as Jon unfortunately will be going home early. Bummer.

Talked to Nadiah on Friday night and we made plans for puasa. The ironic thing is that the dinner will be on the last week of puasa which is about one month away. Its so nice to talk to her again after so long. Its hilarious to see our two worlds collide so often yet we rarely talk. For example, she's the president of TJC's MCS and she's friends with Izzati, the TPJC president who is a gd friend of mine. And now she has a stalker whom I know of because he used to bug me too because he wanted my help for something. Whats more, he used to stalk Syazlina who's my gd friend's, Hannah, cousin and is Hab's friend. SUch a small world. Well, suffice to say, I can't wait to have that dinner and meet her, Azyan, Wani, Haikal, Hafiz and Khairul again. Hopefully, they all can come.

I picked up my aunt yesterday at the airport. Ok well, its more of she waited for everyone because everyone was late. It was fun to meet her again but she'll be off on the 18th. It was amazing that within 2 mins, my two aunts and I managed to plan an outing. We're going to Vivo on wed. Oh and my other aunt was trying to convince me to work at the retail industry. I had only two stores in my mind: AX and CK but she was telling me that Massimo Dutti and Ted Baker isn't that bad.

Well, we wll just have to see.

2007-09-07T22:17:00.001+08:00

As I read my tagboard, I was astounded to see someone I missed alot tag. Firstly, how on earth did she find my new blog? I really do miss you, Nadiah, as well as the rest. I am glad that one of the few people who added colour and made my primary school life interesting still remembers me (she better).

I think I shall not post on this topic for now because I just recently did.

However, I just hope that god will grant me respite (although I am not exactly going to do good deeds) during this period as I wait for CMM chalet. hopefully, It will be fun and I will be granted temporary respite.

After celebrating birthdays for the Sept people, I realise that this habit of throwing surprise party is now hardly surprising. I miss the old times when I would just celebrate a birthday.. well... upfront. And the only surprise is when someone would whip out a cake. Although it isnt surprising, but it was sweet and we get to do what we would want to do: spend time together and just talk.

I just think that things have changed too much since we all last met. what started out as a group of 6 expanded to 9 and then i think it just got too big. There are just too many personal reasons why its expanding. An eye candy, a love interest, there is just too many personal reasons. I don't feel welcomed anymore. There is just too much whisperings behind each others backs. For example, after the so called talk session where I had supposedly blasted or shot down everyone. Please. I didn't. I only said what everyone else thought. I had to be politically correct and watch what I said. Look around, was anything done after the session? Did people try to change what was wrong? Obviously not.

There just isn't a reason anymore for it to exist.

2007-09-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

Had an interesting conversation with Cassaundra, Clara, Nicky and Joey after going to pet safari on thursday.

We were just sitting outside eastpoint, enjoying the breeze and chatting. We were discussing how our lives have been in CMM and we decided to point out each other's flaws. The truth is, I feel that I haven't been able to speak clearly about anything. In this harsh reality, you must always be careful of what you say. You have to be politically correct. Its just proving very difficult now. I realise that no matter how much I hate or dislike a person I will still help him or her if in dire need. I am after all human and I cannot bear to watch another suffer.

The passage of time has brought many changes to people's lives. For example, I found out from Ryan that my old 'friend' from TJC is screwing his life up. If this were told to me a last week, I would be extremely delighted but I have come to realize that it isn't right. Nani calls it the bitch in a person.

I think that in all my life, I have come to miss my primary school days the most simply because they were the most innocent. There was no backstab and I could freely mingle around and even become friends with people that I actually disliked. What I would give to be able to return and enjoy those days.

It is perhaps for this reason I have been shunning out many. I haven't been out and about socializing these past few days. I do realize that that piece of information would shock Sara, Andy, Hakim and Nani who have decided to call me the socialite of the group( though when ryan and anavil calls me that, i would so beg to differ. what am i compared to them who are singapore's number 1 beat boxer and one of the wildest people i know respectively)

Perhaps.....

2007-09-01T21:27:00.000+08:00

Maybe it is time for change.

Firstly, despite Kay's insistance that I would make it, I actually did make it to CMM Council. Denise was trying to desperately console me at first as she told me that I didn't make it. Well, I have to attend a meeting on monday.

Teacher's Day was nice. Whist I waited for 14 at Tanah Merah, I met Mdm Zubaidah, my pri 1 teacher. I swear it was fate as i was just thinking of smsing her at that moment. Had a very interesting time talking to her.

At Temasek, I was so shocked that there wasn't much I had to do to get in. I went to the hall to watch the concert and guess who I saw. WILLIAM JULIANTO!! It was great seeing him again after so long. Dear mentor and idol has been so stressed with his A's. The debate on celibacy was hilarious and obviously Mr Oh was feeling the brunt of the jokes. Let me share with you one of them:

"If Mr Oh can stand not having sex for 35 years, then I am sure the teachers can stand just 3 years of it."

William and me were laughing our heads off. Met up with Saf and Aisyah and we met Ms Morni, Mrs Maesten, Mr Toh, Cikgu Nora and Cikgu Sahriana. Cikgu Sahriana was super fun. She bitched and gossiped as well as updated us about the latest happenings in TMS. Oh and Aisyah declared that TMS now is a school populated by alot of mats and minahs. Well, I agree. the population seems to be categorized into 5 groups: the ahbengs, ahlians, mats, minahs and slenges. Oh and cikgu kept saying that she missed our batch and that she thinks we're the best.

Mrs Ong also came to talk to me. And for obvious reasons I had to chat with her. COme to think of it, she isn't that bad but she should wake up. In the end, the conversation was about two things. The first was about ex TMS students. SHe was saying that they were doing well but i don't think we are really. And she especially should not bring that up after all, they were all under the tenure of Mrs Ouyang which I do dearly love. The second was when she asked why the school wasn't doing very well for geography. Well my answer to her was simply. Only a handful of students in the hwole of singapore take geography. And these students were the crem de la creme of their school. Thus, we cannot compete against these top students.

After the visit, Nani, Nazurah and I went to parkway to have lunch where we were joined by Ryan, Rui Qi and Farah. We had a fun time picking out Mervyns gift( Ryan bought a toilet seat in the end) and we found out that Ryan is attached. THE RYAN CHAN IS ATTACHED!

After that, Nani and I went to watch Ratatouille. It is a Great movie. Seriously. Oh and it inspired me to start cooking and i managed to replicate one of swensen's appetizers.

It has been an interesting week. Exams have ended. I travelled halfway across singapoe to get joey's gift and ate at Han River with Mr Kenny Yong and Ms Winnie Tan.

I do wonder what next week will bring. I already have council meeting on monday and script and screenplay meeting on tuesday. Oh and since I am now in council. I have this huge suspicion that I will have to quit something soon. Perhaps I won't try out for BSC if my schedule is too tight. Until then. good night and good bye.

2007-08-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

"How To Save A Life"

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Such a nice and beautiful song. I've recently been thinking back at all the things that has happened. So many people I've seen walk past and left an imprint in my life but none has lasted.

It all started with Farhan in primary 1. my dear neighbour. unfortunately, he transferred school in Primary 4 when he moved to Bukit Panjang. Now that was such a sad thing for one of my first good friend.

Next was Haikal, whom i met in primary 2 on the school bus. That was such an experience and we continued on to become close friends till beginning of our secondary one days where we unfortunately drifted apart. I remember he was the first friend who smsed me. Its so nostalgic thinking of all the fun we had with Hakim, Khairul and even Hafiz. IN fact, I have to give credit to you for making me love sports.

My primary school days saw so many people fly past like Nadiah, Zawani, Azyan, Jonathan Tan, Zhi Ying, June and Heather. All the drama we had. Its just hilarious to think about it.

Flashback to secondary school where I made friends with the likes of Sara, Sham, Izzati, Hakim, Andy, Nani and Adam. As well as my dear classmates of John Tay, Louis, Kai Wu, Hongshan and Kuan Wei. Even my dear senior who has shown me so much: William Julianto.

Even now, I ponder over my future and who might even be around. So many promises made yet even now i forsee so many of them being made empty and unfulfilled. Even when someone like Adam is in the same course as me, we hardly even talk now. Even as I try to make the effort to connect with him I feel like fighting a losing battle.

I do understand that everyone changes and that change will come. In fact, I have been telling so many people about change but I feel that I cannot accept all of it. I have watched too many people who have claimed to be my friends walk past without so much of a hint of saying goodbye.

And now, I take my leave, knowing that my words here will have no effect against the winds of change.

2007-08-25T17:02:00.000+08:00

yesterday night's discussion was very interesting. In a way, it took someone's tragedy for the whole group to get together and clear things out.

Many things were said and though not all were very pleasent, in the end, the outcome was good and that is all that matters. I do love all of you and i sincerely hope that all of my efforts will bear fruit.

In any case, I want to talk about this issue that is highlighted in today's Straits Times. Regarding our language.

It felt so wierd for me to speak to my friend in malay just now. It justs highlights how much i actually miss malay classes. This might sound ironic but I do love my mother tongue and I recognize that it is a part of me. I applaud PM Lee's decision to attarct more students to learn and speak malay as a third language. One of the regrets I have is that I didn't take manadarin as a third language. Unfortunately, its proving difficult for me to learn it now due to time constraints.

Singaporeans should be able to communicate with each other well in a plethora of languages. As was mentioned in the article, malay used to be the lingua franca of Singapore yet it has now been degraded to such an extent that even the malays rarely use the language.

To me, a language is one of the most important components to a race's culture and heritage and it should be preserved. I strongly detest what is currently happening now with my language where people are corrupting its use. For example, the vulgarities and crude usage of the language is embarrasing. How did such words ever exist in such a beautiful language is beyond me.

Therefore I certainly hope that more will be done to further this language and weed out filthy and crude words.

2007-08-20T18:22:00.000+08:00

Here's what i wrote for media and society's first assignment.

Television causes the erosion of culture in today’s society.

The debate on whether television (TV) is beneficial to society has been dragged on for countless of years, even before the debate on the internet which is mainly due to the fact that the internet was founded years later. Both sides of the debate have reasons and evidence to support their stand which led to the creation of the populist-elitist model. The populists’ support the stand that TV should be showing shows that are wanted by the mass audiences be it informative or not. However, the elitists believe that TV has a responsibility to ‘contribute to a better society and a refinement of the culture regardless of whether the media attract large audiences.’(John Vivian (2008))

I believe that TV has a responsibility to both educate as well as entertain the mass audiences. This is where my concerns regarding the television industry in Singapore comes in. Due to the effects of globalization, Singapore’s culture is slowly slipping into the shadows. Although I must laud the efforts of the government for coming up with unique and interesting ways to try preserve our culture, I fear, they are fighting a losing battle.

TV is one of the most widely viewed and used media in Singapore. Almost every household owns at least one. Although shows are regulated, screened and censored by the TV stations as well as the Media Development Authority (MDA), it is impossible to censor and change some of the most basic messages of every show. For example, the hit series Desperate Housewives, it is simply not possible to change the actors and actresses as well as the settings to reflect our society. Thus, it shows the viewers in Singapore that perhaps the grass is greener on the other side and that their culture, the Western culture is indeed superior to our own culture. This unfortunately is not the only case. Even shows such as Ugly Betty, Lost and Grey’s Anatomy have become hits in Singapore which subtly increases Singaporean’s perception of the superiority of the Western culture.

Based on the North-South Hypothesis which states that the flow of information is vertical whereby information flows from the north which constitutes the more developed countries to the south which constitutes the less developed countries, this clearly indicates that the more developed countries which are mainly western have a great deal of influence over the less developed countries. This is theory proves that slowly, our culture is slowly fading into oblivion as the western media continue to exert their subtle influence over other country’s media.

The effects can be seen easily. Every single time a western star visits Singapore; his every move would be shadowed by the paparazzi as well as many of the locals. However, a local celebrity can easily stroll into a public restaurant and have a meal undisturbed.

MDA’s efforts to influence media content have been quite successful. With support from MDA, local shows such as Phua Chu Kang, Under One Roof and Living with Lydia have become hits in Singapore as they cater to both the elitists as well as the populists. The shows poke fun at the lives of over-dramatic Singaporeans which caters to the populists but it also has underlying messages such as the importance of family to cater to the elitists.

However, I feel that more needs to be done. Even though MDA tries to preserve our traditional Asian values, their efforts have yet to bear fruit. Most Singaporeans have already become tired of local comedies that have been aired on Channel 5, the main English local TV channel. Perhaps, the local media should follow in the footsteps of other countries in creating our own media content that can become hits.

An example would be the regional media giant, South Korea. After the passing of the Korean Broadcasting Act and Regulation, TV stations have to show native films in at least 146 days of each year. That is almost half of the year. This new ruling forced the local media to produce new shows to be shown to their viewers. Competition amongst the local media there has forced the quality of TV shows produced to improve by leaps and bounds. The result is clear. Dramas such as Princess Hours and Winter Sonata have not only become local hits, they have also become favourites in Korea’s neighboring countries such as Japan, Taiwan and even Singapore.

The success of Korean dramas have given rise to the K-Wave or the Korean Wave where legions of fans have fallen with almost all things Korean, from Kim Chi to boy bands such as DBSK. This has ensured the preservation of the Korean culture simply due to several factors. Firstly, the high quality of the Korean dramas that are produced has ensured that the dramas become regional hits. This creates a sense of pride amongst the Koreans which in turns causes the Koreans to believe in their superiority of their culture.

Although many may argue that the K-Wave is just another example of cultural imperialism and is no different from the Western media’s influence, I believe that they are different. The main difference is that the K-Wave is actually a response to the cultural imperialism from the west. It is a means of retaliation with the original purpose to protect, restore and enhance the Korean culture.

Other countries have also followed suit. Taiwan for instance, has produced its own brand of TV dramas that have widespread popularity such as the hit drama, Hanazakarino Kimitachihe. Indonesia also has its own brand of dramas called Sinetrons.

With the case study above, it clearly illustrates the need to galvanize the media in Singapore to protect the local culture. With so many imported dramas from neighboring countries, there is an urgent need to produce our own brand of quality TV shows that portray our unique and distinct local culture.

I feel that now, more than ever, there is a need to protect and promote our culture amongst the locals in the face of globalization. The way we respond to the media development from other nations will show if our society is truly prepared to defend and be proud of our own culture or if we truly believe that the grass is truly greener on the other side and that our culture is inferior compared to others. It is now time for us to step up to the plate.

2007-08-20T15:42:00.000+08:00

Well, here i am.... supposed to be studying. actually i am but i got distracted as usual. i'm at Jupiter Cafe now with huijing and martin.

i was just thinking about what it s that i actually want to do during the holidays and for the future. i feel a need to take up some projects. as you all know, i hate doing nothing. Though i usually complain alot when i have a milion and one things to do, i hate it more when i have abslutely nothing to do. i'll probably get bored to death.

I do realise how elitist i actually am. i dont look down on people, unless they are so pitiful that they dont even want to do anything to help themselves and unfortunately, those people really deserve to be pitied because i feel that you should only help those that want to be helped. That is one of the pillars of my principles.

I feel that every single person has a moral obligation to help improve the quality and standard of society because we cannot afford to stagnate. In the face of competition from the rest of the world, we cannot afford to rest on our laurels.

I was reading through PM Lee's National Day rally speech and i realised that may things that problems that were brought up have been highlighted quite some time ago. for example, the aging population problem is currently part of social studies in secondary school.

BUt i seriously applaud the governments decision to open at least one more publicly funded university. In this time and age, a diploma is almost useless. A degree is the minimum required. Yet, the biggest question is who stand t profit the most from the opening of another university. Still, many students will be jostling for places at NUS. I for one hope to be able to secure a place there just because of NUS's reputation as the number one university in Singapore.

2007-08-19T12:54:00.000+08:00

Well, i think it is time i reopen my blog as people seem to read it even though its supposed to be closed. to all of those who have read my previous post, rest assured its not for the general public. unfortunately, it seems that the people who were meant to read it have read the post and then they spread it aroud claiming that its for every single person in existance. well, rest assured its for you out there who first read the post and not for the poeple whom you spread it to.

oh and another thing, the fact that i speak good english does not mean that i am not in touch of my heritage. i am proud of my roots. proud that my people were the original inhabitants of the archipelago. in fact, i feel that i did way better for my mother tongue than most people in our course so dont go there with me. in any case, i will speak to my dear friend personally on this issue.

i have come to realise that many people feel that just because i do not like to speak singlish, means that i hate or forget my roots. well i think that is utter nonsense. singlish has never been and never is part of any heritage. i agree that it is widely used in Singapore today but that doesnt mean it is acceptable to be used formally. the very fact that it is not an official language in any country in the world speaks volumes.

We need to realise that singlish is not an official language. it is acceptable to be used at home or when speaking informally but it should not be used to such an extent as it undermines our ability to speak good english.

2007-08-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

I think i have seenand had enough of people from my course. Its getting too out of hand. like what Ms Lau said, who cares what others think, just do what you think is right. and i totally agree with her. heck with them all, i will no longer tolerate nonsense from them. I dont care anymore if my classmates love me or hate me. Who caresif u guys hate me? there will always be others who love me and it is these people whowill keep me going and not the nonsensities of the other group.

I have proven that i do have what it takes to get the desired results and my track record is far better then the rest of you so screw yourselves if you think you all are all that and try to compete with me for this is my last and final warning, you will lose. you won't just lose, you will lose badly and i will grind all those who stand against me into pulp.

I am no longer the idiot who tries to accomodate and please everyone. I cld hardly care less about your outcome. what i care about now is about my grades,marks and to nake sure i achieve my goals and ambitions.

This is my last warning to you, I will win and you will lose.

2007-07-03T19:29:00.000+08:00

For the first time in such a very long time, I broke down. I guess, I should not be saying or writing down all this but unfortunately, I think its time I slowly release all that is inside of me lest I blow up.

I truly long for someone to talk to. Someone whom I can speak and pour all my sorrows out. I am truly a product of my environment, an environment where no one can be trusted and that survival was the most inportant thing.

As time flew by, working its magic on all that once was, i just stared into space, enjoying the silence that was slowly whispering in my ear. The very reason why i went to polytechnic instead of a JC was to escape the hectic and political system that existed. Frankly speaking, I was tired of playing the game. Yet perhaps for that very reason, I have been plunged into the abyss.

How I once thought I could for once, totally enjoy and spend time with all of you, being able to let my guard down and not have to look behind my back every few seconds. I tried so hard to make it all work, sacrificing so much time and effort. I always tried to be there for each and everyone of you, to share your sufferings with you and to spend happy times together. As I look back, I admit, I had alot of fun spending alot of time with all of you.

Yet the happiness was shortlived. I cannot bear to suffer anymore. As i try to let my wounds of the past heal, another always seem to appear, slashing at the very same spot. All of you have made your choice and i respect your decisions. Perhaps, its time for me to look back and rectify where I have actually gone wrong. JY really hit the nail into the coffin when he said that the nine doesnt exist. There are only eight. Well, he is right, it will be a group minus one, me. All of you have spoken clearly enough for me and I only have this to say.

The darkness that enshrouds me as i gaze upon the stars,
bring warmth, pain, saddness and misery.
I now wish all of you a pleasent farewell
and i shall leave you all with one last word

Goodbye.

2007-07-03T11:38:00.000+08:00

terrible. just one word. i nearly blacked out when i saw my med soc. what the hell? i studied freakig hard for it. ok maybe it wasnt that hard but nonetheless, i studied. unlike journalism. whats more clifford yap had the audacity to say that maybe i shldn hv studied. WHAT THE HELL!! i just feel so depressed now.

a combination of such terrible shit just isnt making my day. nodoubt the transformers movie was magnificent and scored super high on my list, other then that, it was CRAP! oh and whats more, i still have so much work to do and my poster sucks. how on earth am i supposed to get my A for ess gra? i can practically kiss my A good bye for med soc at the end of semester.

i need to find comfort and solace soon. out.

2007-06-30T14:41:00.000+08:00

i'll start off on a lighter side. my results are not bad i guess.

i GOT AN ! FOR JOURNALISM TEST!! that i swaer was totally unexpected. however, i only got a B for the assignment and a pathetic C for my marketing journal. that i swear is the worst i have ever gottenin my poly life. like what the hell! marketing is the one subject (besides med soc which i die die must do well) that i have to do well... due to certain reasons that i shall not disclose.

oh and my outing with mel, jon, suzanne and jessica got postphoned again! wth! but nvm. we're going aljunied on a photo spree on monday. THAT IS A MUST!
on and nxt wk i am going to die. i hv archery aft which i hv to rush to watch VIBES AND a cosplay fest. i promised wayne to watch and support him. damnit! i see how lah. the worst part is that one is at orchard and the other is in sch.

onto some heavier stuff now.
this is a little something for my dears.

i am very sorry however, i feel that our time is drawing to a closure. some of us may become closer whilst some others will drft apart. unfortunately that is the reality that everyone must accept. as i looked back and reviewed the happenings, i realised that it all started at that very event that made us a -1. u guys shld understand that. i feel that i have tried my very best to save it from crumbling however, it mostly the lack of effort. at the beginning, everyone promised to try their best to make this last. yet, those were now empty promises i realised. i sacrificed so much for everyone yet, were the others prepared to make their own sacrifices? that can only be answered by each individual. i certainly hope that my efferts were not in vain and didnt just went into the drain. if every single person wants this to still work then effort must be put in. there is no substitute to effort. i shall not pinpoint anyone as i feel that no one is exempted frm blame. even me. thus, it is unfair to play the blame game.

we have to make sacrifices if we want this to continue. otherwise, please come and tell me and i will declare everything over and we will all be able to start afresh if that is truly what everyone wants.

2007-06-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

today was quite fun. had ess gra which was quite boring. but marketing was not bad. winnie tan was her usual fun self. i realised that i kinda like all of my lecturers.. ok almost all! lol. i think CMM has the best lecturers!!

anyway aft that jonathan, melanie, jessica and me went to starbucks to chill out. had a super fun and hilarious time. we were quite evil cuz we were 'manipulating' someone just for entertainment. aft awhile we were reminicizing abt the past then dhini and co came. dhini's arrivial suddenly caused us to be so high again! lol

well sch is turning into fun again. i guess i hv a nice grp of friends in jon, mel, jessica, suzanne and sonum. i'm beginning to mix with more people too!

haha. but then again, deadlines are starting to pile up again!! oh GOD!but the few of us promised to go Indochine for dinner and party aft our 2 deadlines then we cn party till crazy at mel's place all night long aft exams! haha.. ooh and i still hv the arab street makan with kay and vannesa :) yay i cannot wait!

oh and i met welson at TM that day. and the 2 of us decided to crash each other's lectures to see the dif btwn the top 2 mass com polys in spore!! yeah!!!

2007-06-23T14:03:00.000+08:00

so i just got back from archery camp yesterday. had quite an interesting time. the PT was so overrated. haha. we just did VOII training only. wasnt bad at all. i admit, i'm surprised that i managed to finish the VOII, but it was quite easy. lol. only ABIT more difficult than 2.4.

shooting was great. ok only for the 2nd day. haha. i was horrendous on the 1st. with the 2 arrows, i didnt even hit the target with my first. but the 2nd rocked. had abt 4 or 5 ends. and since darius and me happily fletched 6 arrows, we had extra to shoot. lols. my group was quite gd. given that me, wayne and alex were in the same round and was using the same target board, we had a mini competition amongst the 3 of us. haha. we played tic-tac-toe. and guess what? I WON!!! haha. i was on song man..given that wayne and alex were also bloody gd, it was damn close. even darius, wei lun and wei chin cldnt come close to the 3 of us.

had dinner with the rest of the freshies ltr. well, to sum it all up, archery was nice and overall, the team's not bad. though there are people i just cannot stand. as usual, that idiot thinks his damn good. oh wells, i am so going to whip his ass.

dainial was right abt confidence. perhaps its time for me to step out again. haha. with what effects, we shall see. as i have always said, every action has a consequence. i'll just wait and see what consequence my latest actions will bring about. but one thing is certain, things will not be different.

2007-06-20T17:19:00.000+08:00

just reached hm from badminton. what i thought was supposed to be just me, siewlin, jolene and cheryl suddenly turned into a big thing with JY, jasmine and malcolm joining. lol. had alot of fun. jasmine's damn pro at sports. if she says that she's not gd i swear she's lying. i got my ass whipped by jasmine. she's seriously good. JY and siewlin are also gd. actually everyone came late! supposed to meet at 10.30. in the end, only me and siewlin met at 10.30 cuz everyone JUST WOKE UP!! typical.

we played table tennis where my game suddenly looked like i was playing tennis. the ball was flying EVERYWHERE! lol.

then we had lunch and then we slacked. i had a really nice time. even managed to talk to JY abt some stuff. oh and just now, i entered IT sch for the first time! as in not just the corridor. haha.went to 1 of their com labs and used some software called ALICE for annimation. so leceh.

well ok, gtg.i hv to get ready and be in TMS in 45 mins!!! SHIT!

2007-06-19T20:51:00.000+08:00

well yesterday was nice i guess.

went to meet winnie tan in the morning. i swear she rocks. haha. we discussed my grp project for 30 mins and digressed for anothe 1 1/2h. haha. utter nonsense. she was telling us all kinds of things frm the fact that the body shop had a change in ownership (its now owned by L'Oreal btw), to the SIP prgrammes (do you know that overseas SIP students dont get allowances? damn sad) and to the PCOM(persuasive communication) she will teach next sem. haha. its something we hv to do since we dont hv com skills (but as i said before, i swear some people in my course dont hv basic com skills. tsk). and guess what we will learn? how to ask people to go to hell whilst he thinks his going to heaven. haha. thats hilarious.

went to fion's place aft that where i had to swing bymyself cuz she was so slow. lol.

anyway, the bbq wasnt bad i guess. haha. had alot of fun with xinyi, darius and co. haha. poor darius and mathew had to go all the way to downtown to buy ice and drinks for us. lol. aft awhile, me, siewlin, eileen, xinyi, ck, cheryl, ming and jasmine slacked at the playgrnd. it was fun. we crapped nonsense. as usual, dainial skye turned up late. i was making a joke saying that as he was driving to pasor ris, he reached a forked road. to the right was pasir ris but to his left was MOS. so he turned left and made a SUPER long detour to MOS. hahahahahah. funny. so we played polar bear and hunter game. i was a gd narrator!!!! haha.

dainial sent us back in his mitsubishi lancer. damn cool!! i fell in love with his car. lol. haha. its hot whilst the honda civic is sleek and elegant. i want both!! he was joking aft that saying that the next time, it will be my turn to drive him arnd. haha. OF COURSE!! haha. oh and his booking a room at MOS for my whole gang during the sept hols! WOOTZ! haha. we can all party through the night.

oh and i saw sze man, theresa and xue hen at pasir ris. they were having a bbq. oh and u know what?? MR TOH SNUCK UP TO ME AND PUT ICE IN MY SHIRT!!! haha. i didnt even know he was theer till he did that. lol. crazy guy. i miss him, mr oh and miss esther lee!

truthfully, i really look up to dainial. no idea why. its the same think with william julianto. although the two of them are complete opposites. haha. one is quite, shy, innocent and very behind the scenes, the other is SUPER confident, upfront, and love sto be at the forefront of things. haha. i respect the two of them totally. but i miss william. maybe by some miracle he turns up tmr. i certainly pray so. it wld be a brilliant opportunity to be able to talk to him, a person that i totally respect and admire.

in any case, i'm meeting cheryl and siewlin for badminton tmr. i am so gona get thrashed by siewlin. frm what i've heard, she's super gd. hah. then i hv to head to TMS to attend the PSL farewell ceremony.

2007-06-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

had a very interesting day today.

i went to miss sharifah's wedding! or rather it shld be MS sharifah. lol. damn fun lah. i went with iskandar, hafiz and nadiah. it was such a nice reunion given that the last time i spoke to nadiah was in sec 3 when we had this 'close' period. haha. miss her and her wacky and intellectual quips. hafiz has seriously grown so much. his almost as tall as me! his more gd looking now but he still looks like some kampong boy. haha. damn chui.

i met so many teachers! miss shakila looks like she aged alot. i feel so sorry for her. met with ms juliana, mdm sharifah masturah with, surprisingly, mdm sharifah thalha, my sec sch teacher! haha. their both sisters btw. even that irritating ms foo was there. thank god she doesnt recognise me. lol. all the teachers were saying that i look so dif! they actually didnt even recognize me. haah.

had a talk with the 3 of them and i realised something, we all miss the pri sch days as well as it is a DAMN small world.missing the pri sch days because things used to be just so simple and straight-forward. it was almost always either black or white, and everything had a quick ending. damn small world because, our worlds seem to be interconnected. haha. be it, the mats and minahs in TPJC that me, hafiz and nad know, to iskandar's many cousins that seem to be everywhere. hahaha. its super funny. i miss the pri sch people. nadiah, azyan, the old wani, even khairul, suhaimi, atiqa, and esp haikal. haish.

oh wells.......

2007-06-08T16:20:00.001+08:00

and the ending to my term was simply..... tragic. to think i actually put off a host of other activities because i thought i cld have some fun today. now i am not even in the mood to do anything. my mood for the day is spoiled.

2007-06-04T17:07:00.000+08:00

well i just finished studying with vanessa at starbucks. damn. there's a hell lot of work to be done. hm. so many confusing terms and so many models to memorize and understand. whats more, i hv no idea of the format for tmr's paper! shit man.

anyway, i had a very. interesting day yesterday. i manage dto get to 3 places and sat for an exam in 1hr! that was so insane!

anyway btr go now. i hv to study for med soc. haish. i have yet to start on journalism. hahahahah.bye

2007-06-01T11:42:00.000+08:00

now i'm addicted to DBSK's Hugs. thanks ah amelia and martin. haha. seriously. i love the song. and now i hv nicole beside me raving abt jae joong and yun ho. haha.

i am really a global citizen. but seriously, i think that music is boderless. across every aspect. you can always enjoy and appreciate it even if you dont understand thh meaning. a good song should be able to convey its msg even without the lyrics.

oh well i've been finally enjoying myself though term tests are next week. damn it.

anywayz, i'm going to watch manifestasi ltr at TPJC.go Hannah and Ati! i'll be there to support u all the way :)

oh and speaking of which, i wana go out soon. haish. but there isnt much time. too bad.

anywayz, this weekend is damn pack. i hv manifestasi tonight, adam's party tmr and some other stuff on sunday. and i have to mug like crazy for journalism and media and society this weekend.

2007-05-29T11:26:00.000+08:00

wel guess what, finally william blogged. my godness. i hv no idea why i always view his blog hopping in vain for a nw post. i really miss that guy. to me, his one of the closest thing to a perfect person i can find.

anywayz, so i went to watch POtC with yanti, amelia, cheong, james and fion. and as with our TP tradition, we were late. haha.. in typial fashion. the movie's qite gd. i swear that jonny depp is one of the best ever actrs. he can act almost any given role. his just so versatile.

so yesterday was very happening. and so the ongong drama finally reached an ending. whether there is a season 2 to the series has yet to be determined by the main cast. i just dont have anything else to say or do.

i am very sorry for the trouble the conflict caused. i do realise that i am to a certain extent wrong and i accept part of the blame. howevr, other factors and players have entered the equation.

in the end, i just love and miss so many people in my life.

2007-05-27T16:22:00.000+08:00

when things go wrong as they sometimes will
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill
when the funds are low, and the debts are high
and you want to smile, but you have to sigh

when care is pressing you down abit
rest if you must, but don't you quit

success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt
and you can never tell how close you are
it may be near when it seems afar

so, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
its when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

its something inspirational i found whilst i was cleaning my room for the upteenth time.

2007-05-25T12:23:00.010+08:00

the fondness in my heart simply melts away.
i try to turn away at every corner, just seeking for redemption.
but truly, i cannot bare to leave it all be.

the turning of the tide knows no boundary
just as the waves of the ocean knows no fear.
my life, my joy, my bliss
all went down the dreaded path of pain as soon as i came.

even as i know that you will not face me
simply because you cannot.
you have neither the strength, talent, skill nor ability to challenge or even stand up to me
yet i will not take you for granted nor underestimate you

for i have emerged from the chaos and sufferings of the past
filled with experience of pain and sufferings
and lest it may be victory,
i will not go down without leaving a trail of blazing fire

(oh and ps, and people always ask me to open up to them. ever wondered why i never truly open up?)

2007-05-25T10:47:00.003+08:00

dont you dare come up to me as though nothing has happened! for goodness sake, the only reason why i laboured so hard to finish everything was due the fact that you'r ea useless idiot. to hell with you already.

dont waste my time.

2007-05-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

my day today was 'GREAT'. if u failed to notice the sarcasm then too bad.

the day started off great with milan winning the champs league but guess what, it just had to be spoilled.

let me start with number 1.
dont u dare use your blog to accuse me of such nonsense. plz, its so cliche. do u think that i'm so weak and pathetic. i dare u to tell me in my face. u'll see more then just fireworks i swear.

now for number 2. u know what? u dont hv to hide. walls hv ears and i thank god that not all the ears hate me. dont bother spreading nonsense abt me. look whos the one not daring to just confront the person and be direct? at the same time i feel sorry for a certain grp of people who fell for his nonsense. as CMM students, i expected so much more frm u all. at least qn all the info gaps that he had when he spread those nonsense.

ok thats enough angst frm me. oh and to hab, i told u it was deja vu

2007-05-23T20:29:00.000+08:00

i feel so much better now that 2 major assignments are over. thank god! oh and special thanx to adam for printing my logo as well jonathan elias and melanie for caring so much abt my grades. haha. its great to know i hv such great classmates. come to think of it, i really love my class now. esp cassaundra, clara and ben in 1 clique and melanie, jonathan and jessica in another 1 and lastly joey, nichole and madhu in another.

oh and special thnx to my dearest G9 for trying to cheer me up. i am so terribly sorry for my emo mood swings. its just the accumulation of problems are seriously taking its toll on me. in fact, i have been so unwell. its just so unfair. god doesnt seem to be smiling at me.

well at least, i get to take a little break tonight as i watch my beloved AC milan led by my darling bro Kaka (oh how i wish) take on jonathan, kuan wei and hab's Liverpool at the ancient capital city of Athens. oooh. who will experience a greek tragedy? i certainly hope its the latter team for if honathan wins, he will get bragging rights for tmr and i swear i dont think i can endure his ego moments. hahahahah. but whatever the outcome, i BET quite a number of people will be falling asleep in class tmr. haha.

2007-05-22T12:19:00.000+08:00

i am so sick now. god. i seriously need some redemption.

i just received some reasurance regarding one of my problems but seriously, i dont feel reassured. what to do? i seriously cant take this burden anymore. i need to settle things quickly now. haish. i hate this. h and fyi, i'm having journalism lecture now but its super boring. cant stand it.

oh and as this drags on, i dont thin i will be well enough for sch tmr. i seriously need to see a doctor soon.

2007-05-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

i miss someone that i can talk to now. i find myself drifting away form everyone on all fronts. i just dont know who i can really turn to. it just feels different whenever i try to turn to someone. somehow i just have to deal with this myself.

i just cannot deal with anymore problems right now. god seriously aint with me. my family is falling apart due to internal squabbles which has left me stuck in the middle, between a rock and a hard place, i just had a very...'civilised' converstaion with a friend that i consider dear, and if it isnt enough, i have tons of assignments due this week. god. i need a reason to go on. it isnt as if i'm not trying to solve them. for instance, we really need to talk. we cant go on just avoiding or ignoring each other. i tried to call u twice but unfortunately, your mobile was off. perhaps it just wasnt meant to be.

2007-05-17T15:44:00.000+08:00

i feel terrible today. no idea why.

yesterday was nice. went to dinner with ophix people and my dear friends. firstly. i am so sorry to you guys. seriously. i miscalculated some things and i overestimated myself. haish. so sad. and i guess i kind of deserve it when you didnt ans my calls.

on the flip side. i wld like to thank the ophix people for giving me a smashing time. thanx CK and co. for the cake which ended up on my face. and thnx to xiew ling for the nice coffee cake. too bad your scandal wasnt there :p i think xiew ling's hilarious. oh and dont be too sad girl. your a nice girl so dont be affected by what others say.

oh and to cheong keng mun who mysteriously ended up as our pet PIG. haha. firstly, if you die, dont blame me cuz i hv no idea how to take care of 1 :p.

i miss my cousins and my old friends. thank god i will get to meet my old friends this friday and my darling cousins this sat.

and as i look into your eyes
i see an angel in disguise
sent from God above
for me to love
to treasure forever

2007-05-16T10:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a BLAST! i LOVE YOU GUYS!

anywayz, the started off boringly. i have a confession to make, i actually wanted to stay up till 12 to wish myself happy bday but i gave up and fell asleep. haha. so the day started off with my classmates being shocked to find out that yest was my bday.

aft sch, james and i rushed to buy the markers and stuff. and went to ITAS and guess what? Nicholas Tan Soon Kwang was there! horror upon horrors. he was with cheong keng mun and jolene. so meand james tried to discreetly finish our project. unfortunately we kinda failed when fion came.

went to meet huijing, martin, nic tan and fion at the mushrom. and they BLINDFOLDED ME! i was so shocked! bt the blindfold was really nice! so as i embarressingly moved blindly towards the busstop with darling nic tan leading me. i swear i heard so many people mention my name! so paiseh. we waited forevr for the bus. then we went to pasir ris interchange where we boarded some unknown bus for 12 STOPS!

When we finally arrived at our destination, they opened our blindfolds and right infront of us were our prezzies! granted they didnt get me my beloved CK, but hey, like i said, you cant get the CK in TM. haha.

then we went for dinner and when we returned, guess what? CHEONG KENG MUN WAS THERE WITH OUR CAKE! so sweet lah he. i love him lah for the surprise.

it was surprise aft surprise.

in the end, i reached hm at 12. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE SURPRISE!!! oh and thnx to all of u who smsed me or wished me yeah. i love you people. oh and HAPPY BDAY MAY RISSA!

2007-05-14T14:56:00.000+08:00

well i'm in a bad mood. SOME BLOODY IDIOT STOLE MY FAVE BLACK NIKE SHOES!

damn shit. anyway, had a nice time yesterday. darling grandma called me and asked if i liked chocolate or... chocolate chocolate. haha she's so funny. so i went to cut my hair yest cuz i was so upset over certain things. thank god kason made time for me :) haha. his so nice. oh but poor thing. his lips kinda bled or something because of the heat. poor guy. oh and i was so paiseh as i realised that xinyi was having her hair cut right beside me aft she finished! so slow.

when i got home, my darling grandma surprised me with a swensens cake! WOOTZ! she's super sweet.
____________________________________________________________________
sat had both its ups and downs.

thank god my friends were arnd to cheer me up. and i now officially LOVE TP! since i was already soaking wet, i lied down with my hands and legs spread apart on the track as it was raining. damn nice lah. it really brightened me up.

oh and i met kailing too on sat. she really turned out to be very dif frm what i expected. she's nice and straight-forward. got potential to be a bomb. but then... haha. no one's perfect.

cant wait for tmr and for wed! i love u G9!

2007-05-11T12:28:00.000+08:00

what am i to do? well if my dear friend thinks that i am backstabbing him, then i guess he is very sadly lacking in intellect. the thing is, i dont strike unless provoked and as far as i am concerned, he made the first move. and sadly, he has vastly underestimated my ability, talent, skill and experience in this field. like hello? you dont survive 4 years in temasek in a position of rank just by being used. thats the only reason why poor john isnt quite known.

haish. i just cant wait for the weekends to come. oh wait. i have archery tmr. but i cant wait for tmr's ophix workshop where i get to go crazy and scare my sad and emoness away. haha. at least for awhile.

well, im actually having journalism now. supposingly doing my article. well i hv finished the article but i'm too lazy and not in the mood to perfect it. oh wells.

2007-05-08T19:14:00.000+08:00

i am beginning to miss alot of people. feeling lonely oh so often nowadays. i dont really know who i can turn to. even though i might seem to know so many people, the thing is, i am not close to them. i miss people that i can truly talk to and crap all day with such as kuan wei, sara. nani, adam, andy, hakim and even people like safirah, john, shaika.

i find that there's too much politics at play. and thats coming from a guy that often seems stuck in a web. i have no idea why god seems to have been testing me, constantly weaving webs around me.

i seriously feel empty and lonely. perhaps it originates from the fact that its just too difficult to open up to others. but then again, its just my fault. i truly dont know what exactly can be done... i guess, only time can tell.

2007-05-08T15:26:00.000+08:00

the green dragon.

ok i guess i am making some people puzzled by what i mean by that. well if you have yet to guess then too bad. and as my friend mentioned, the green dragon has many heads... let me see:head a, b, c, d and e. talk abt alot.

but you know what? it infuriates me whenever the green dragon rears its despicable head. i know that the green dragon does own a part of my heart, no matter how tiny it is. but then again, i just cannot stand back and just watch as it tries to strike me from the back. although i have managed to stand up each time, given that it has already struck several time, i cannot possibly be expected to just watch and wait.

until the times come.