I dont really know whats wrong anymore. It feels so empty. I hate this feeling.
Its been so long since I had pure fun i feel. There is always something holding me back one way or another. I just dont know who I can turn to or what I can do.
Seriously speaking, my mood changes as fast as the weather and can be as terrible as a thunderstorm or as bright as the hot sun. Just don't expect warmth during my mood swing sessions; I'll rip you apart.
Aft talking to andy yesterday, i reaised something very sad. I'm alone now, with no one to turn to. Clara asked me just now how many friends I have given that she says I seem to know everyone in TP. Well, surfice to say, I dont really have friends in T. I have many, many aquaintences but how many can be actually considered friends? That is a very big qn that I dont think I am in a position to answer.
I've come to this stage where I dont really care anymore what people think. I just want to find myself in this world, something which I think is quite impossible given the hypocritical state of this world.
I have a very big feeling that Wednesday will be a milestone, marking the end as I bid farewell to some whom I once accounted as friends.
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
2:56 PM
Ok i'm now in the Mac lab and i LOVE the new Macs! they are HUGE!!!lol. too bad to all you non CMM students. haha. MMP is such a BORE!! OMG like reallly. So much work! i seriously prefer the tutorials. Gahh! anyway. have to go now. gd bye!!
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
5:15 PM
Sunday is here!
It was a
SUPER exhausting day yesterday!
Like really.
I made Oreo Cheesecake! Yay!! I'm bringing some tmr so those who want some ask ya?
Anyway, went to my dad's friend's place yest. My Parents left me stranded at Eunos MRT!! WTH?!
Luckily I know how to get there even though I've been there ony once before and that was last year. Aunty Khai was so shocked to see me but then I confessed that I just took a cab. Lol
I only spent half an hour there before having to
rush home because people had arrived.
Uncle Suhirman came yesterday!! (BTW, his the art director for the classifieds) His so funny and his son is such a game addict. Seriously. I call that hantu game and my brother and my cousins are just like that.
And two of my uncles' are now photographer freaks. They were going around taking pics with their brand new toys. My aunt was saying that she'll give him a week before taking it back. Lol.
Then I went to my cousin's place and Je Suis Fatigue, so Moi just grabbed a pillow and slept as soon as I arrived.. HAHAHA
and today I have an exam which I have to sit for but I didnt even open the book the whole year. haha. Who cares?
Yay and I get to go to Kak Fadillah's place today! She's a homec teacher at Marsiling Sec and even though she's my Aunt-In-Law, I like her. actually she's also my other side's 2nd or 3rd cousin.
Actually I have about 5 houses to go today? Like dang seriously exhausted. Well, tmr I start PerCom tutorial so yay! Bonsoir. A Bientot
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
9:17 AM
Today was another
FUN day though abit
BORING. Ok that was an oxymoron. Hmm.
Anyway,
PERsuasive COMmunications was
BRILLIANT! Mrs Nah was sarcastic, witty and hilarious. I love her anecdotes and stuff.
After lecture, Jon, Cheryl, Russell and Bhavna, Desiree and Andrea's BF AND Mel and Me were playing Jon's new game of cards called
Chez Geek. ITs bloody fun. So in any case, we were playing solo or in teams or 2. IN the end the team of
Mel and Moi WON!! WOOTZ!
After that, Cheryl, Jon, Mel and me went to KFC for lunch/dinner. lol. It was fun. Esp since its been a very long time since we all slacked together.
We catched up on some stuff like abt Harry, Mel's new bf and practised some french. I so cant wait and have fun with them. Hopefully we all can go crazy together in Perth!! WOOTZ!!
Hopefully, the sem will just be as fun as this week!!! Bonne Nuit! A La Porchine
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
9:49 PM
OMG! i just received some brilliant news or rather I saw and now my timetable looks great and it only makes me love my french class even more!!! Vive la France!!
lol.
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
12:19 AM
Salut!
Had a fabulous day today. I just completed a round of japanese and french classes.
French rocks to the max plus I have Jerome as my tutor or should I say Monsiur Jacquet. He is seriously the best. Plus, we were speaking French the whole time in tutorial. It was magnifiqe. And i love my french class which contains bhavna, eugene, marcus and..... someone whose name i forgot, lol.
Jap was nice though not a fun. everything was in english though. Ms Tan, my tutor was nice and asked us some qns in jap but generally everything was in eng. She got a shock when i asked if our presentation was to be in jap. lol. And my class isnt as fun. Dang.
Oh and thank god for my lecture I have Poh Hoon with me. Oh and so was samuel lee!
I think its so easy to tell who is taking french and who is taking jap. there is seriously more ah bengs and ah liens taking jap. like omg.
lol.
In any case, Bonne nuit!
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
8:04 PM
French lecture was brilliant! Our lecturer was funny and i loved his french accent. Oh and thank god eugene is in the same class as me. At least I have some company. I think he is a nice person. Cant wait for tutorial tmr as well as jap tutorial and lecture ad they are all back to back!!!
After the emergeny MMP lecture (more of last min) I set out to meet whomever was supposedly free but in the end i just went all by myself. Luckily Joey and Clara met up with me at Centrepoint before heading to Heeren where we had a fantastic time shopping, looking for Amanda's gift and eating. Note to self and people: I'm now broke so....... lol. The three of us went for the Sashimi Buffett at Sakae. TO think that we promised to go with clara on monday, the last time we went to orchard, to go eat with her next month. haha.It was simply delicious. We were so fussy with the salmon sashimi but in the end, we got extremely fresh, thin and delicious slices. I give the service 4 stars!!!
Oh and guess what, we signed up for the Heeren privilage card which means we get discounts andwe got free movie tix!! wohoo!!!
i really had a blast today with them. They really saved my day.
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
11:16 PM
Yesterday's lecture was B-O-R-I-N-G! It was nice to meet everyone again and now the sitting arrangements during lectures are finally begining to shape up and the clique lines are more obvious. That unfortunately got me confused as to where I should sit given that I generally mix with every single grp except maybe those from 03. Ended up sitting with Jon, Mel and Jes, people that I missed the most givn that I only saw them once during the hols. But really, lecture was such a bore with Ms Ng Kwee Hoon dronning away as if she was talking to herself. Photog lecture seriously seems too impt to skip. Dang!
After lecture, Joey, Cas, Clara and Nicholas Lai had lunch at Mensa where I met JY, Cheong and Jolene before going to town to shop and boy did we shop. We spent 7hrs in town just shopping. Joey bought a bag frm NUM at $189, Nic bought adidas shoes and some stuff from topman and we had to walk all the way from far east to heeren to get clara's shoes. Obviously we had a million and one pit stops in between far east and heeren. We went to Wheelock to look at Crumplers, Wisma for topshop/topman and F21, Paragon to drop by Country Road which btw, is having a huge sale. Well I bought... thats something I'm not going to tell you :p
Right after we bought Clara's shoes, my mom called saying that we had to go visiting again last night. I had to rush over to Simei MRT to meet her. Like really. Its super exhausting. and I finally reached home at 12.
I'm going to meet Selvan today to try add french! Wish me luck!!!
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
9:24 AM
Just a short and quick post since I'm off to school in half an hour. a minor miracle has just happened! KIMI WON THE TITLE! Sorry to all McLarens fans but unfortunately, I hate Hamilton and finally Kimi Raikkonen has won the title he so deserve after losing it last year to Alonso and 3 years ago to Schumacher. Whatever the case, He still won!!
Ok I am off to school now. I'm still contemplating if I should even bring a bag at all and its pouring heavily. Dang!
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
7:19 AM
I'm studying Jap this sem!! how cool is that?? Amanda was screaming at me and kept asking me to swap with her because she got French even though that was her 3rd choice. She wanted to study jap. Well, i told her that I want to study french too but i wont give up jap. Quite alot of people will be taking french. Seriously. More then half of the poeple I know will be taking french or psychology.
My timetable for next sem isnt as nice as last sem!! I have to go sch everyday BUT only for 2hr on mon, wed and fri and 3hrs for tue and thursday. What a waste of time!! PLus, thursday is still the worst day because i have jap tutorials for 2hrs and jap lecture for an hr back to back! dang.
The crew!! haha. I look wierd. I had a blast shooting with the cast and crew for the drama. It was Fabulous! The MCYS director was right when she came and said that she love dgoing to see malay drama shootings because the houses are so nice and the atmosphere is brilliant! Really, we were all one bigh happy family as we helped one another, shared experiences and ate together. Kak Gee, no idea why we call her that as her name is actually Roziah (I think ah), she was a fantastic host, she kept making drinks for us, usually, coffee, tea and cold drinks at the same time, bought delicious food for us, breakfast, lunch and dinner, from as far away as Joo Chiat, Changi and bukit batok and was super friendly. Too bad Kak Azizah, the producer isnt in the photo. She went home early as she was having morning sickness. But then again, it was at night.
I had a blast repraising me role as the Assistant Director!! ok actually I was the acting A.D for the drama. I learned so many new things and it takes a hell of a long time to shoot! It took us 3 days to shoot just 1 half an hour episode. like wow.
Repraising my new role as the A.D. with Sanif, the director.
Discussions with abng shahrin, the producer, and abng khalid, the actor.
Here I am with Hassan, Ria's programme director!
Preparing for our shoot at Tanah Merah
The last scene. Thats Andekah Putra, Abng Shahrin's son.
Oh wells. I wanted to post some of my hari raya pictures but unfortunately blogger isnt cooperating with me at this moment. Do take care and see you in school next week.
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
12:20 PM
So hari raya arrived. It seems that tradition has long disappeared in my family. I stayed at home on th eve and just watched the Korean drama entitled Witch Yoo Hee, which I managed to finish. I didnt bother contacting anyone. Like what Andy said:"In the end, you only have yourself to depend on."
Yesterday was interesting. Visited my grandmother in the morning. I finally got to meet my step cousins afetr so long. I do miss them. After which, I went visitng with my dad's siblings which was the first time for me because usually I would go visiting with my mom's side. I kinda prefer going out with my mom's side. No offence to my dad's side. But i did manage to visit two of my late grandfather's siblings. I feel so sad for them.My granduncle sounds like he is just waiting for his time. I was so moved. He has lost all his vitality all these years as he used to be very close to my grandfather and after the death of my grandfather, he rarely goes out. My grandaunt's memory is failing. It seems I'm the only person amongst my cousins that she can remember. In a way, I pity her. She lost her husband and her brother within the space of a month.
Things like this really got me thinking about how much I do miss people. But in the end, that doesnt matter anymore. I realise I'm a very sensitive person, being able to sense and detect many traits but what I abhor the most is when people don't even bother to cover their tracks when they let slip something out and think that nothing happen. Its absolutely nonsense. A friend of mine asked if I was pissed with certain people because they lacked subtlety and tack. I thought abt it and after awhile I realised that I was more pissed with the fact that they were stuck in a n illusion that they created themselves. Perhaps this could have been adverted if they showed more tack but it riled me even more when they dont even want to admit their mistakes because they are too blind to see them.
IN any case, Selamat Hari Raya Eidulfitri. MinalAidilWalFaIzin
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
12:06 PM
What started out as a potential detstress and fantastic day turned out to be a nightmare. My hair is in a mess its now too short and i am in desperate need of producing a miracle to make it look good in 2 days time.
I guess the talent and ability God bestowed upon me is both a blessing and a curse. It is a double-edged sword. Today felt serene in a very eerie way. I realise that the status quo cannot remain.
I've recently been keeping myself occupied by watching the korean drama Witch Yoo Hee. It somehow manages to distract me from the million and one things floating in my head. Why cant God be more merciful and just transport me to some remote area in space and die alone?
I really do wish everything is so much simpler. I want to believe that everything is as simple as 1+1=2 but guess what? there is an infinite amount of answers to a question and none of them can be considered totally right or wrong. Add on to the fact that there are reprecussions to almost every single thing and you have a problem sum except this time, the ans isnt in black and white.
If you are wondering why I left just now then analyse everything that happened before I surrounded myself in silence. Add on to other factors and you get a hell of a complex situation. If you want to know what happened this is the only answer I will give you:"It was due to several unforseen circumstances and shall be dealt with accordingly."
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
10:58 PM
I was about to post some stuff abt my conversation with an old friend just now but I decided not to as its a waste of time.
Things truly have changed. Well I guess it doesnt matter anymore. You have made the first move. Congratulations, you win the first bout andit was a first move but the game has just begun. You should realise after almost 5 years of knowing me that I am not to be underestimated and I am confident in my abilities to overcome your little traps.
You've made your move and now its my turn. Let the games begin.
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
11:14 PM
Sometimes I wonder how emotionless or heartless I can be. There was another death in the family on wed. My grandaunt passed away. It is quite a shock for me. She is the first amongst her siblings to pass on.
As I attended the funeral my mind was blank. On one hand, I knew that I was supposed to feel devastated at the loss yet I felt nothing. I realise that I am not a funeral person. Even at my grandfather's funeral, whilst we were preparing the things that needed to be done, I was just me, chatting around, trying to engage in a conversation with everyone, making sure that everyone was greeted. You know, the usual. Everyone thought that I was insane for that but to me, it was just something normal. In the end, just as I saw my grandfather for the last time, everything just came out and I burst out crying. I swear it was not a pretty sight.
IN any case, I realised how very few people that are supposedly close to me are not actually close at all. In fact, I can envision the loss of several people and to me its just natural. I guess this is mostly because so many people have come and go in my life.
So another chapter closes. But a new one will open. I guess my heart has hardened so much that I no longer care so much. I can remember most of the people and trust me it is ALOT of people. But I feel that I should care. These are people that have made a mark in my life and have influenced me in one way or another but I guess I have given up. I have tried too many times to retain some hint of the relationships i used to share with these people but I just fail. The only advantage I have for the moment is that my course is very small so I will still be able to interact with my close coursemates but then again, who knows? Look what happened the last time? And in any case, this will only last for three years.
After the end of next sememster, it will herald a new year and I am very certain changes will occur and links will be broken and new links will form. And well, another round of changes will happen coinciding with the beginning of a new era.
and btw, my new maid just arrived.
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
11:45 PM
I went to the airport just now to send yanti and martin off and i saw CORNELIUS!! My old classmate. He just came back frm china and I cant believe he didnt tell anyone except Aisyah. In any case, we went to marina for bowling where I assure you I was terrible. Dang. I need to rediscover my form.
I think its time I come up with a list things I seriously need to focus on. I've been out of focus for too long.
1) I seriously need to focus more time on archery. I've been so lazy to go for training especially since its the fasting month (so you cant really blame me) But its time to buck up and practise!
2) Need to dedicate more to CMM. I havent done so many things that I'm supposed to.
I havent even prepared myself for net semester. Truthfully, I'm still in holiday mood. Meaning I've been on holiday since last year!
3) I've got to stop 'friend-hopping'. Like what Andy said, I jump around too often and I end up knowing too many people but not being close to any. Well you cant blame me for being able to socialize freely with every person on earth.
4) I need to kick my ass and wake up to go find a job. I'm such a slacker. God, I wish I was a spoilt brat with super rich parents who shower me with money.
Hopefully I get to do all these things properly. Dang. Oh did I mention I'm getting a new maid because my mom suddenly decided that she cant clean anything anymore and that she cant even bend down to get anything. And to think she was lecturing me abt saving money last week. Oh and did I mention she just went for lasik surgery?? Ironic world huh?
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at
9:27 PM
Here I am with Hassan, Ria's programme director!
Preparing for our shoot at Tanah Merah
The last scene. Thats Andekah Putra, Abng Shahrin's son. 