Thursday, December 14, 2006
Supreme emptyness. i cnt imagine any other way to describe this empty feeling inside of me. i hate dis feeling. i seriously am beginning to miss so many people in my life dat i've realli taken for granted all this time n i guess dis is retribution to me for always neglecting them. i guess times have realli changed for me. to think dat juz a few weeks ago, i cldn wait to be rid of school, to be able to break free frm all de stress of the O's or perhaps, juz to be able to sit back n relax. to be finally able to change my focal point, school, has left a lasting sentiment on me dat i had not quite expect.
i miss all my dear frens dat i hv neglected like de likes of melvin, danial, j-e-x, saf, angel, shaikha n esp john cuz i kinda feel dat he has always been der when i need help. i feel abit kasihan for him as ppl always seem to be taking advantage of his kindness and his naivity. i still rmbr dat day when we went out for lunch aft 1 of de hol classes. dat was quite awkward at first but as we talked on de bus, i guess i kinda began to enjoy his company. in de end, we met up wif sam aft lunch to go buy somethin for their church friend.
i miss ppl who hv shaped, moulded n sculptured my life such as william. haha.. i havent seen him so long. nv did get a chance to meet him durin PSL camp cuz he had flown off to jakarta to attend his relative's wedding.
i still rmbr de first long convo i had on de fone. i was chatting wif haikal in dec aft PSLE. well wat wld u expect? we haven met it each other in weks durin dat period n juz before dat, we practically met everyday so naturally, we had lots of catching up to do. we talked so long till my batt died n dat his mom made a remark dat we were talking so long like mcm matair. haha... so hilarious. back den, things were so simple. i cnt believe i cld rmbr dis cuz its been abt 4 yrs since dat incident. i duno y but my mind seem to be filled with moments dat rr.. well.. not very impt. it seems, dis memories juz float to de top of my head at any given time. i cn even summon up some memories almost at whim.
now y de hell am i writing all dis.. well its becuz... actualli i hv no idea y. in dis desperate solitude, i feel so alone... so distant frm civilisation. is de thing dat i realli dread most happening to me? all around me, ppl seem to be getting more and more distant. till dey r almost disappearing beyond my horizon.is it time for me to perhaps change. de last time i went thru dis realli left a lasting imprint on my soul, is dis god's indication and a warning of future things to come? oh n btw, i juz emphasised de thing twice. oh wells.
oh n lastly, i realli feel bad for neglecting all de chi boys. louis, dz, kai wu, sam,n esp kuan wei. i haven even met dem for so long. its time i prepare myself for de dark horizon to come.
Nathaniel Iman sprouted nonsense at